Change of Heart
by Cybele Adam
Summary: They say there's a fine line between love and hate. 'Rubbish! ' Lily thought. And yet... [All in Lily's point of view. How she gradually started realizing she didn't hate James that much, after all.]
1. The letter

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

As you all know, **Mrs J. K. Rowling** is the highly talented author who  
_created the characters I borrowed to write this. Except for Lily's friends,  
__that I had to imagine since she has never let us know anything about them so far._

_And since no one would be stupid enough to pay for this when I'm publishing it here,  
where anyone can read whatever they want for free,  
you're bound to have guessed I'm not making any money, aren't you?  
_

_Thank yous and dedication: _

_Many, many thanks to **Arwen**, who corrected my mistakes  
and made very useful writing suggestions  
and to **Beth**, who beta-read the story a second time  
in order to allow me to publish it on _**The Sugar Quill  
**(I really appreciate your help - and your kind comments, too - you're just great, girls!)

_Then_merci mille fois_ to my sister **Nicky**,  
because she's the one who had the very good idea to  
buy the _Harry Potter_ books and tell me I should read them too  
_(bisous et "smiley câlin" comme à la fin des SMS ).

_This fanfiction is dedicated to **Akari** (also known as Florian),  
my favourite Italian fanfiction author,  
who's also become a very good friend of mine  
_(tante grazie per avermi incorragiata a riprendere la scrittura!)  
_I strongly recommend her stories to anyone who understands Italian  
(or French, since I translate them) and has nothing against Sirius/Remus slash.  
They're really worth reading._

_Well, I've already been too talkative. Here's my first chapter..._

° ° °

**Chapter 1 - The letter**

It arrived in late August, about ten days before the end of the summer holiday. When her mother told her there was an owl waiting in the living room with a parchment envelope that it refused to give to anyone else, Lily thought it was her school book list – the last one, as she was going to start her seventh year at Hogwarts. She already felt quite melancholy about that, by the way. She found it hard to believe six years had passed since her first journey on the Hogwarts Express and guessed that June would come too soon once again. More than ever, actually. This was going to be an entire year of last times: last reunion with her friends on platform Nine and Three Quarters, last Sorting Ceremony, last Halloween feast, last Christmas decorations, last Hogsmeade visits... but before all of that, last shopping afternoon in Diagon Alley.

She was already thinking of asking Joanne Stonewall and Sandra Griffin to meet there in a few days when she took the letter the owl had brought and saw it wasn't from Hogwarts.

Blue ink...Lily had been so sure she was going to see the familiar emerald green words traced by Professor McGonagall's quill that she stared at the envelope for many long seconds wondering who could write to her with blue ink as if it was the strangest colour you could imagine to use in a letter.

Joanne always wrote in purple – and this didn't look like her handwriting, anyway. It was much more legible. Joanne's hadn't changed at all in six years: it was still so childishly wavering that even Lily, who was used to it, had trouble understanding it sometimes.

"Is there something wrong, darling?"

Only by hearing the tone of her mother's concerned voice did Lily realize she had been frowning, eyes still fixed on the blue letters.

"No, Mum, it's nothing. I'm just surprised. I've never received any Owl that wasn't from Joanne or from Hogwarts. And I can't guess who sent me this."

"Well, you'll see if you just read the letter!"

Mrs Evans was smiling now. But Lily wondered if her mother was right to think there was nothing to worry about, after all. She nodded silently then, frowning again, she turned back to her bedroom.

She sat down on her bed, thinking. That handwriting reminded her of something, but she didn't know what. It definitely wasn't Joanne's, and Sandra never wrote letters; being Muggle-born too, she rather used a phone than a quill.

So who? Her mother was right, of course; she could have her questions answered by simply reading. But the conviction that she should have been able to guess stopped her from following that logical suggestion. It would have felt a bit like cheating in a quiz game. No way. It was a challenge to her memory and she had to find the answer by herself.

She started drawing up a mental list of all the people she had ever seen writing at school. At least, since the letter had arrived by owl, it couldn't possibly be from someone she would have met elsewhere. This would make the guess easier.

She was about to admit that the little game was looking more and more like a waste of time when a new name suddenly came into her mind - a name she would never have thought of if she had carry on searching for the author of the letter among the people most likely to have something to tell her. It could be...

But no, it _couldn't_ be him. He had no reason to...He wouldn't dare, would he?

She opened the envelope at last, tearing it up in her haste to check the signature. But she didn't even need to. She knew for sure when she saw the first line:

_Dear Evans - Lily,_

Only James Potter could call her that.

Not that there weren't lots of other boys who used the last names of everyone except their closest friends, but he was the only one she could imagine adding "Lily" right after, as to say "I've decided it's time to give up the distant terms". And this handwriting did look like his, as far as she remembered it.

He had never written to her before, of course, but once she had seen an essay he had forgotten on a table in the Gryffindor common room – and it was surprisingly legible. Before that day, she had always thought that no boy could have neat handwriting, as they usually didn't care about how their work looked. But James's was really nice. She remembered quite well because it was the only thing she's ever liked about that pretentious git.

How dare he send her a letter? He knew she hated him! Or if he hadn't understood yet, he was the stupidest guy in the world, in spite of the excellent marks he always got in every class.

_Dear Evans - Lily,_

Honestly! She felt like ripping the letter apart and throwing it away without reading more but she couldn't fight her curiosity. As irritated as she was, she still wanted to know what he wrote. To find some new reasons to hate him - or so she told herself.

_You're probably thinking I shouldn't call you Lily, but I just can't call you Evans in a letter like this one. I can't use a name so impersonal in a letter that's going to be so personal. _(Was he going to tell her his life story? How interesting, really!) _I say 'Evans' in front of the others because it's what they expect me to do, but on my mind you're always Lily. And you've been on my mind all summer..._ (Of course! Very convincing!_) No, in reality you've been on my mind for more than a year now but I first wrote "all summer" because I have been thinking about you every single minute of every single day since I last saw you, ages ago – or so it feels – at King's Cross._ (This was even better...And she was supposed to believe it!)_ I still can picture that irritated look you gave me as your only answer to my goodbye words. And I can't stand it anymore._

Lily nearly choked with indignation. That was some cheek! Reproaching _her_ for something when _he_ was the most unbearable person she ever met!

But she still didn't rip the letter apart. She had to know what came next – just to see whether the second paragraph was as ridiculous as the first, of course!

_I think we should talk – really talk, I mean – not fight as we always do. Because it can't go on like that forever, can it? _("It doesn't bother _me_, Potter!" Lily hissed, wishing he was in front of her so she could send him packing properly.)_ I know you don't like me,_ ("This is the euphemism of the year !") _and I guess it's all my fault._

Lily had to read the sentence a second time, then a third, to convince herself she wasn't dreaming. James Potter admitting he's been wrong? Impossible!

But there was no mistake. He really wrote those incredible words – and even more:

_The way I act when you're around is quite foolish, I know it. I didn't realize it at first but now…Well, I must have looked like a horrible show-off, haven't I?_ ("Oh yes, you have!" Lily said out loud with a little laugh of amusement that surprised her)_ You don't have to answer that. I can hear what you're thinking: "Oh yes, you have!", isn't that true? _(Lily really laughed this time. She didn't feel angry anymore.)_ And you're right. I am terribly show-off sometimes. _("Sometimes!") _I like being admired, I confess. Especially by girls. But the problem is it has never worked on you. I should have known. You're not like the others. I did all those stupid things to impress you and as a result... you despise me, don't you? _("Oh, what gave you that impression?")_ You don't have to answer that either. I know you do. You told me already. Lots of times. And it hurts. I hate saying that but I promised myself I'd be honest, so I've got to tell you. It does hurt. Because I like you. _("Oh, great!")_ I mean I_ really_ like you - fancy you - probably love you, actually._

"What!"

This was a real shock. Lily didn't even know whether she should laugh again or scream in indignation. The only thing she was sure of was that James Potter had plenty of nerve. That certainly wasn't news, but this time he had gone too far.

Did he really believe she was stupid enough not to suspect anything? After all, she had seen him with at least half a dozen girls during the previous school year. Now he was probably tired of those little idiots who giggled as he passed and watched him with a sort of devotion just because he had almost never lost a Quidditch match. He could date any of them whenever he wanted – and he surely did. So he wasn't interested in them anymore. So he challenged himself to try and pick up another kind of girl, for once. Or maybe it was a bet with his friends. In any case, that letter was completely absurd.

Lily read the last few lines mechanically, still wondering how James could have thought she might believe he meant all that.

_I don't know if it makes sense saying you love someone who hates you, but I can't get you out of my mind and I've never felt this way before... It's quite weird. And sad, too, because you don't even want to talk to me._ ("Oh, poor baby !") I_ wish I could talk to you. I wish we could make things right so I won't have to endure another year of furious looks and hurtful words. _("Here we go again ! You'd think the fault is mine !")_ Please give me a chance. Let me show you I'm not only the bloody git you think I am. _("Oh, and what else are you, then ?") _And go out with me, will you ? _(Sigh. Would he _ever _understand?)

_See you on the Hogwarts Express. _("Alas!")_ Love. _(No comment.)

_James._

Well. Now she had to find an answer that would make him understand how shocked and angry she was. Or maybe she should just not write back at all, because he didn't deserve the slightest word.

She couldn't decide. It seemed to her that a dignified silence would have more impact than anything she would write, but her quick temper made her feel like addressing him in another one of those biting replies of hers. Just like when he first asked her out and she said no, never, not even if she had to choose between him and the Giant Squid. Her friends were doubled up with laughter at hearing that, but they didn't really understand. And Joanne's younger sister did go out with James Potter a few months later. Lily hadn't talked to her much ever since. She didn't stay with him for more than three or four weeks, but that was not the point. Linda Stonewall simply fell in Lily's esteem the moment she became James Potter's, girlfriend and this couldn't change just because she wasn't anymore. After all, if it had been all up to her, she would probably still be. And she hadn't even enough good sense to blame him for playing with her heart, because her heart hadn't had much to do with that. She had only been proud to be seen with him, the Quidditch star...

"Well, the Quidditch star's going to learn he can't always win!" Lily promised herself. "It's high time that someone put his feet back on the ground."

° ° °

Those words, when she repeated them to Joanne and Sandra while they were having ice creams at Florean Fortescue's, triggered their first giggles of the year.

Lily didn't really feel like laughing, but staying serious when her friends weren't was simply impossible.

It started like it nearly always did: some words that Lily said without meaning to be funny, Sandra's usual amused smile, Joanne asking why Sandra was smiling, then Joanne's inimitable pearls of laughter when she understood - which happened most often before one of the others had time to explain.

Only Sandra could catch (or imagine) Lily's involuntary humour, and only Joanne could make them all cry with laughter for something that insignificant.

Everyone was looking at them now, probably wondering who those crazy girls were who made so much noise Or perhaps they all knew and weren't even surprised. Especially the Gryffindors that had been awoken with a start so many times in six years when the same happened during the long conversations that the Three Mad Laughers (as they called themselves) had until late at night in their dormitory.

"So...appropriate...for someone...who's always...showing off...on a broomstick!" Joanne hiccupped between her roars of laughter. "I...I imagine…Lily...charging into him…like a bull...to make him fall of his broom!"

"I don't think his feet would be first to hit the ground, then!" Sandra managed to point out in a faint voice.

She could hardly breathe, and Lily was in the same state. They tried to be more discreet than Joanne, and it always ended with stitches in their sides.

"Please, calm down!" Lily implored as Joanne's loud laughter echoed worse than ever.

"Yes, Jo, please stop, you're killing us!" Sandra added.

But this wasn't what Lily has meant.

There was a group of Hufflepuff Fourth years at the table next to theirs and the two girls were part of the "James Potter Fan Club", though they were both related to Phoebus Garland, the Hufflepuff Seeker.

Lily was sure they would tell everyone if they heard her making fun of their idol. And she didn't want him to know before she had the opportunity to throw in his face the most cutting words she could find. In front of his friends. And of as many people as possible. That would be much better than writing, and even better than ignoring him all year long. He might even understand what it feels like when someone humiliates you publicly, and finally stop tormenting Severus Snape. Not that she had any liking for the Slytherin - she felt much less sorry for him since the day he called her a Mudblood when she had just defended him - but James Potter's behaviour was unworthy of a Gryffindor and she would not let him taint the honour of their House on the pretext that the Slytherins were all potential Dark Wizards.

And now there was also that letter. She took it as an insult, because he obviously thought she was an idiot or he wouldn't believe his manoeuvre could work. The more she thought about it the more she felt like punctuating her future speech with a good slap.

At least now she was perfectly serious again. She must even look very angry because Joanne's laughter faded instantaneously when their eyes met.

"Oh! What's the matter, Lily?" she asked, and Sandra stared at their friend with a questioning look too.

"It's about..." Lily began.

She glanced at the two Hufflepuff girls, who seemed to have taken up their own conversation, and continued in a lower voice:

"You know, it's still about _him_...I was going to tell you, by the way. I've got a good reason – I mean a new one – to think it's time to...well..."

"To get him off his broom?" Sandra suggested with another of her famous smiles.

Joanne let out a giggle.

"No! Please not again! It's really important. He..."

Lily never finished the last sentence. The others followed the direction of her gaze and saw that Linda was coming towards them with her friend Cybela Adams, a Ravenclaw Sixth year just like Linda herself.

"Hey! You should have waited for us," Linda said in a falsely reproachful tone.

She and Cybela took seats to join the three Gryffindors, sure they wouldn't mind.

How were they supposed to know? In spite of what Lily thought of Linda since she first accepted a date with James Potter, the five girls still spent as much time together as they always did. As Joanne and Linda were sisters, Lily didn't want to separate them just because she disagreed with the youngest of them about a boy. And then she had nothing against Cybela. So she merely avoided to comment when Linda mentioned her former boyfriend.

But this time, of course, she was very annoyed. Especially when Cybela asked why there were laughing so much.

"We heard you from the Apothecary!" Linda swore.

"How couldn't you?" Sandra commented. "I bet all Diagon Alley knows Joanne's here now!"

"My dear sister is horribly noisy," Linda approved. "And she has no manners, or she wouldn't have started eating without me!"

Then she grabbed Joanne's dish of half-melted ice cream.

"And she dares to say_ I_ have no manners!" Joanne exclaimed while giving a little slap on her sister's hand to make her let go of the spoon.

They all laughed.

"Behave, girls! The new Head Girl's watching you!" Cybela reminded them.

Lily smiled, answering she'd rather not intervene in family quarrels, at least as long as it was only about ice creams.

She had received her badge three days before with the Hogwarts letter. Her parents were so proud – and of course she was, too. The other Prefects were all Pure Blood witches, so it was a double honour for her to have been chosen as the Head Girl. She only wished she didn't look _too_ proud. Petunia pretended she did, because she had pinned the badge on her top to show it to their parents and hadn't taken it off all day. But Petunia's snidey remarks didn't matter much. She was so obviously jealous of the special attention their parents had paid to Lily in the past six years that she had developed a real hatred towards all that was connected to magic, even that Head Girl title Lily could have gotten in a "normal" school as well.

However Lily hadn't put the badge on that afternoon, even though it would have been quite logical to do, as she was wearing her Hogwarts robes. She wanted to avoid at all costs making people think she was showing off as James Potter was always doing. She didn't even dare imagining him with a Head Boy badge... Fortunately it wouldn't happen, since he wasn't a Prefect. It would have been ridiculous if he was, anyway. According to Professor McGonagall, he and Sirius Black were the worse troublemakers that Hogwarts have ever known. But their Transfiguration teacher liked them all the same, which Lily couldn't understand. A woman so strict and so serious should never bare two students that disturbed her class so often. But as they were also brilliant... In addition the Professor was known to be very interested in Quidditch. If she hadn't been so annoyed by James Potter's show, Lily would still find extremely funny seeing Minerva McGonagall protesting with vehemence when the Slytherin team cheated during a match versus Gryffindor.

"Oh, that look's going to terrify the First years!" Sandra exclaimed.

As she was thinking of James, Lily had put on a scowling expression that was highly comical to her friends.

"I wish it worked on someone else, if you know what I mean," she said to Sandra in a whisper.

Linda and Cybela were trying to decide what kind of ice cream they would order, and Joanne was looking at the menu too, obviously considering having a second dish.

A moment later, just as Lily was expecting, she asked whether she and Sandra wanted one too.

"I haven't finished this one yet!" Sandra answered laughing (surely she had expected Joanne's question, too). "And I think I couldn't eat more now."

"Neither could I," Lily said. "So, if you don't mind, I'm going to shop again. Are you coming, Sandy? When you've finished eating, of course. I need someone to advise me about the birthday present I have to buy for my father."

In reality, Lily knew very well what she would give her father. But she did need advice. About James's letter.

° ° °

"I can't believe it!" Sandra exclaimed.

"You're not alone," Lily sighed.

They were sitting on a bench near Ollivander's. It wasn't the ideal place to have a private conversation but it was the best they could find without going out of Diagon Alley. At least it was far enough from Florean Fortescue's, the others wouldn't see they weren't in a shop.

"What are you going to do?" Sandra asked, handing the letter back to her friend.

Lily kept silent for some seconds. If she had already come to a decision she wouldn't have let Sandra read that collection of rubbish that was supposed to be a love letter.

"Do you think a Head Girl is allowed to hit someone if they showed her a serious lack of respect?" she asked eventually.

She was about to add "You don't have to answer that – I already know", but she didn't, because it would have sounded too much like she was quoting James.

Sandra didn't really answer, anyway. She stared at her in puzzlement and asked another question:

"You mean... you don't_ believe_ him?"

"What!"

Sandra's surprise was nothing compared to Lily's. The red-haired girl looked as astonished as if she had just seen Sirius Black shaking hand with Severus Snape. Or heard James Potter saying he wasn't the only good Quidditch player in the school.

She had never thought that Sandra – or Joanne, or anyone else – might not to share her opinion. She didn't even see it as an opinion, actually. It seemed to her it was evidence. But it was obviously not to Sandra.

"You _can't_ think he means all that, can you?"

"Well, I thought your problem was that you didn't know what to tell him," Sandra explained. "Because I guess you still don't want to go out with him, but you can't say it in the same way as you've always done since I'm sure you wouldn't want to hurt anyone..."

Lily raised her eyes heavenward.

"So you weren't even listening to me when I said I had a new reason to dislike him?"

Sandra looked surprised again.

"Actually...I was, but I forgot that when I read his letter. It's so...touching!"

She had said the last word in a faltering voice, as if she was expecting Lily to scream – and she probably was.

But there were people around and Lily knew she mustn't draw their attention.

"Touching!" she repeated, managing to put in that single, nearly whispered word a bit of the incredulity, indignation and contempt she felt at the very thought of what James had dared write to her. "Oh, he did a quite good job, that's true, but it was nothing more. A boy like him doesn't even know what 'love' means."

"He doesn't pretend to know, actually," Sandra pointed out.

"Doesn't he?"

Lily thought for a moment. What did he write, exactly? '_I don't know if it makes sense saying you love someone who hates you'..._Then '_It's quite weird'._

"Right, he doesn't," she admitted. "But he's trying to trap me with fine words and I hate him for that more than for anything he did or said before. And I'm going to let him know, you can be sure of that!"

° ° °

_Author notes:_

_Please tell me what you think of this chapter, ask questions if you wish  
and don't hesitate to tell me if something seems wrong to you._

_I'll be glad to answer to any review you would write,  
as long as criticism is done in a polite way.  
_

_Anyway, thanks to everyone who read, and see you soon for chapter 2  
(at least I hope it won't take too much time, but I can't promise)._


	2. Back to Hogwarts

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

_Thank yous: _

**Arwen **and** Beth**, thank you again for correcting my mistakes  
and suggesting some changes that make the story better.

_**Akari**, _grazie_ for telling me what you think  
and always being so supportive._

_**Nicky**,_ merci_ for buying the "magical books that started it all",  
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have._

_And, of course, many thanks to **you,  
the people who read chapter 1 and are about to read chapter 2 as well.**  
You'll find in my bio a link to my Live Journal, where I answered your reviews.  
_

_Other author notes:_

_**To everyone, sorry about the delay.**  
The story is entirely written, but the corrections take a lot of time  
(please don't blame my beta-reader; she's very busy)._

_A friend of mine told me I should clarify a little thing:  
in spite of the fact that her name is very close to my pen name,  
Cybela Adams is not supposed to be me.  
I just thought that Cybela would make a very good name for a witch.  
__  
This fanfiction is dedicated to **Akari** (also known as Florian),  
for the reasons mentioned before chapter 1._

°  
° ° °

**Chapter 2 - Back to Hogwarts**

Lily opened the door of the Prefect compartment, took one step in then stopped short.

_Him! _

Clearly, she was dreaming – or more exactly having a nightmare. Otherwise, how could James Potter stand there, talking to a girl who looked at him in the admiring way that exasperated Lily so deeply? He had nothing to do in this place.

Had he come to make sure he would see her? He was surely capable to do something like that, but he should have been clever enough to think it would be better to wait for her outside the compartment, so he would have a chance to talk to her without being surrounded by all the Prefects.

Maybe he only wanted to tell Remus Lupin where to join him at the end of the meeting. After all, they were friends, although Lily had always wondered why. Remus was so different from James! He never deliberately drew the attention to him. On the contrary, as he was rather shy, he did all he could to go unnoticed the better part of the time. Once he even confessed to Lily he sometimes wished he wasn't a Prefect, because he felt quite uncomfortable every time he had to reprimand somebody. And he merely answered with an awkward smile when she commented that by saying "I guess it's particularly embarrassing having friends who are known to consider rule breaking as a kind of art".

But Remus was nowhere to be seen and James didn't seem to realize he wasn't supposed to stay. He was simply talking. He hadn't seen Lily yet but two six year Prefects had, and at the very moment he heard them greeting her he moved away from the other girl, who cast a furious look in Lily's direction.

Lily saw him hesitating for about two seconds then, just as she was dreading, he crossed the compartment, smiled saying "hi!" and - more surprisingly – held out a hand she shook without thinking, just because she didn't know what else to do.

"Congratulations, Evans. I knew you'd be the one to get the Head Girl job. You'll be perfect, I'm sure."

Too surprised to find a better reply, Lily thanked him in a formal tone. Since he was acting as if the letter didn't exist, she was certainly not going to remind it to him. At least not as long as she wouldn't know exactly how to make him understand what she thought about it.

"Now you should leave, Potter," she said, still very calmly and politely. "And if you see Lupin please tell him we're waiting for him."

James smiled again, this time in a rather mocking way that Lily didn't like at all.

"Remus won't come," he said. "And I won't go."

Lily frowned. What was he playing at? She had no time to waste with his silly talks. She was about to tell it to him but he spoke again before she started to do so:

"I'm your new colleague, you see," he announced, pointing to a badge on his robes.

_Head Boy_...

Lily stared at the words in astonishment. Then she shut her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping the nightmare would end. Because this couldn't possibly be real, could it? It_ must_ be a bad dream. It couldn't be anything else.

Unfortunately, nothing had changed when she reopened her eyes. James was still there, and neither the Head Boy badge had disappeared.

"Can you...explain?" she asked.

Talking kindly to James Potter felt like a disgrace to her, but she was unable to think clearly. She really needed an explanation, and he was the one who could give it to her.

James seemed to hesitate.

"OK, but not here," he said eventually.

Lily took a suspicious look at him. Was that an excuse to be alone with her? To talk about something...private?

James opened the door, apparently convinced that Lily would follow him outside the compartment. Then he turned round and saw she hadn't moved.

"Are you coming?" he insisted. "There isn't much time. We're supposed to start the meeting right after the departure of the train, and it's already..." (he checked his watch) "...3 to 11."

Lily sighed.

_Better not to start arguing now_, she told herself, joining James into the corridor.

At least the conversation wouldn't last for more than three minutes...

"Right... How is it you got this badge?" she asked as soon as she had shut the door.

"Well..." James began, looking quite ill at ease, which Lily would never have believed if she hadn't seen it. "I'd rather not to go into detail but it happens that Remus has...er...sort of resigned...so I took his place. That's all."

"But why _you_?" Lily cried out.

It didn't make sense. She could more or less understand why Remus didn't want to be Head Boy, but what about the Prefects of the three other Houses?

"I see you're very pleased to hear the news," James remarked with another smile.

"Delighted!"

It was an automatic reply, clearly ironic but not only. There was also a touch of amusement that felt out of place in a conversation with an enemy. So, Lily thought, it was high time for her to pull herself together. If this wasn't a nightmare, she had to act normally, despite the undeniable abnormality of the situation.

James was now clearly amused, and Lily suddenly wondered if he could be joking. Had he borrowed Remus's badge to make fun of her?

"OK, you nearly convinced me, I admit it. But now please stop."

Her voice was still calm, but she wasn't. She only tried to hide her irritation because this wasn't the right time to make a scene. The new Prefects would surely take her Head Girl speech much less seriously than they should if they first overheard her shouting at someone...

"Sorry to annoy you, Evans, but I swear this is not a joke, if that's what you think," James insisted. "Do you want to see the letter?"

_The letter!_

Oh, his Hogwarts letter, of course... He had taken it out of his pocket while asking the question, and he showed it to her without waiting for the answer.

"It's here," he said, pointing at a particular sentence.

Lily stretched out a hand to take the parchment but, for some reason, James didn't let go of it.

"Can I have a look at it, then?" Lily snapped impatiently. "Or are you trying to hide something from me? The lack of official seal, for example..."

James shook his head, looking both annoyed and undecided, as if the situation was very awkward to him - which, of course, could only increase Lily's suspicions.

"It's not what you th..." he began.

But, before he finished talking, Lily had already snatched the letter from his hands, too convinced he was trying to trick her to care about the rudeness of the gesture.

She started reading while James was staring at her, amazement written all over his face.

_Dear Mister Potter,_

_As you surely know, your classmate Mister Lupin has thought it was best for him to give up his Prefect duties, in case that the events of last year would come to the other students' knowledge. Consequently, we decided to offer you his position and, considering your courageous intervention in the above-mentioned events, as well as your excellent examinations marks, we're pleased to inform you we also chose you as the new Head Boy._

It was signed by the Headmaster himself, and the Hogwarts seal wasn't missing.

Lily tentatively looked up at James. He clearly had been watching out for her reaction, and there was also some kind of determined look in his eyes that told her asking questions would be useless.

Blushing slightly at the thought she had accused him of lying when he really had nothing to reproach himself for, Lily gave the parchment back to the new Head Boy.

"Let's go back inside, now," she said simply.

He nodded, keeping quiet too, then reopened the door of the compartment, standing aside to let her pass first. She walked in slowly, her mind focused on the mystery that hid behind the words she had just read.

_The events of last year..._

There were been lots of gossiping at school, but since it was nearly the end of the year, everybody had left for the holidays before anyone succeeded in getting to the bottom of it. Now Lily was sure of one thing: James did show some kind of heroism in the matter. And she couldn't believe he didn't seem to brag at all about that...

But it was time to start the meeting, so she put her questions aside, promising herself to think of it later. Actually, the only question that really mattered now was this: how would she manage to survive being forced to deal with James Potter all year long? She had thought the worst thing that could happen would be the nomination of Severus Snape as Head Boy, but now she almost wished that fear had come true, because at least she could have been sure that the idea of writing a love letter to her would never cross the Slytherin's mind!

° ° °

After her conversation with Sandra, Lily half expected Joanne to think the same. Yet, when the three of them went up to their dormitory – right after the welcoming feast, so they could talk privately while the two other Gryffindor 7th year girls were still in the common room – Joanne said something that Lily would never have imagined. And neither Sandra had, judging by her look.

"I mean it, you know," Joanne insisted. "You_ should_ go out with James. So you'd have the chance to tell him what you think...and maybe he would change."

"You're dreaming!" Lily and Sandra answered at the same time and in the same tone.

"He never will," Lily added.

Then she remembered what Sandra had said in Diagon Alley.

"Didn't you think he was sincere in the letter?" she asked, frowning.

"Actually...I do think he is, but that doesn't mean he's able to change. Honestly, Jo, can you imagine a James Potter who would play Quidditch without showing off or simply stop checking there are some girls watching and listening every time he does or says something? He wouldn't be James Potter anymore!"

Lily smiled involuntarily at those words, which didn't escape Sandra.

"It would be a pity, wouldn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Joanne questioned before Lily got over her surprise.

"I think she would miss hating him, don't you? She has spent years talking about how unbearably arrogant he was, how stupid his 'fans' were and so on... What would our poor Lily do if she lost her favourite subject of conversation?"

Lily kept silent, even when Joanne remarked, laughing, that Sandra made it all sound like their friend was obsessed with James.

Was she? Well, yes, in a way... It was true she talked about him too much. She hadn't realized it before but now it seemed evident that Sandra had barely exaggerated. She couldn't help commenting everything he did and everything he said, and she often recalled what she regarded as his worst acting and talks, without any reason but the rather idiotic need to insist on his faults. She suddenly wondered what the others thought of that...that obsession, yes, it was the right word. They hadn't said anything about it so far, but they might have talked when she wasn't with them...

"Have you been thinking I was kind of insane, for all this time, without daring to tell me?"

Both the other girls protested immediately: no, of course, they hadn't. What gave her that funny idea?

"Nothing...It's just...I shouldn't think too much, especially at the end of a day like this. I had such a shock when I saw that Head Boy badge!"

"And neither of us could believe it until we saw it, too" Sandra said. "What do you reckon he did to have it?"

"They say he saved Snape's life," Joanne answered. "But nobody seems to know how, why or even from what. And it's quite weird, isn't it? He should be telling the whole story for anyone to hear..."

That was exactly what Lily was thinking too. And she couldn't find any convincing explanation.

"Maybe he doesn't want us to know he doesn't hate Snape enough to let him die," Sandra hazarded.

The others admitted it was possible, though Lily doubted it very much.

"I think he wouldn't let slip the opportunity to humiliate Snape a little more," she said. "Actually, I wouldn't even be surprised if he saved him only to make him feel in debt."

Joanne laughed.

"All things considered, you may be a little insane!"

"Or at least too set against Potter."

Joanne didn't mean what she said, but Sandra did, and Lily guessed she was right. Which was almost as irritating as hearing James's admirers enumerate the foolish reasons why they loved him.

"You want to prove us wrong? Go out with him!" Sandra threw out in a burst of laughter.

"This could be our chance to know exactly what happened last year," Joanne added. "You're curious too, aren't you?"

"Oh, you're both becoming as unbearable as he is!" Lily sighed, throwing her pillows at them.

Some minutes later, when Mary Ann Summers and Chloe Jones entered their dormitory, they found the Head Girl involved in a first year-like battle with her friends, and feathers flying all around the room.

° ° °

Later that night, when all had turned quiet again and the feathers had found their way back to the pillows thanks to a simple spell, Lily tried to think as calmly as she could about the recent events.

After six years, she had been convinced she knew James Potter well enough to guess how he would act and the kind of things he would say in almost any situation. Which seemed to prove she was really obsessed with him, she had to admit it – though she would never do in front of anyone, especially in those terms that could be taken so wrong...

As for keeping her calm, she had already failed. The thought of someone imagining she could feel anything else but despise and irritation about Mister Arrogant made her so indignant that she considered for half a second to ask Sandra and Joanne whether that absurd suspicion had ever crossed their minds. But she knew in the next half second that it wasn't a good idea at all. She could picture Sandra's it's-all-like-I-thought sort of smile and hear Joanne's exclamation ("I knew it wasn't normal you talked about him that much!").

She only wished it would be just to tease her, but she wasn't sure it would. There were so many things she wasn't sure anymore, lately... Not only she couldn't understand James but even her own best friends had expressed opinions she would never had thought they could have. What was happening to everyone? Were they all conspiring to drive her crazy by the end of the month? No, of course they weren't. Joanne and Sandra wouldn't. And neither would Remus...

When she had told the others about the letter James had shown her to prove he really was the new Head Boy, she had intentionally omitted to mention what had confused her most.

_"In case that the events of last year come to the other students' knowledge"_... Did Remus do something wrong? There didn't seem to be any other explanation, but Lily found it hard to believe: even though he was a friend of Potter's, she had always seen the former Gryffindor Prefect as the perfect example of someone who's just unable to even _think_ of doing something wrong. If she hadn't read those words she would have been sure he had resigned either because he thought he was lacking of authority (which was rather true) or because of his health, that took him away from classes for at least one day every month. But the sentence said clearly that the real reason was connected to the mysterious events... That was probably why James avoided giving more details that he needed to about the matter. At least he cared about his friends...

Sure enough, Lily didn't like at all being forced to conclude her 'worst enemy' wasn't all bad. Sandra was definitely right... She wouldn't be pleased if he started to act reasonably. Not because she would miss hating him, though. It certainly would feel weird not having any more reason to dislike him, but the worse thing would be that, logically... No! She would never like him. Never, never, never. _Jamais. Mai. Jamàs. (°)_

And why should she bother thinking of him, in the first place? He could do whatever he wanted, it was none of her business. So she shouldn't care. And she didn't.

Except that he pretended he was in love with her...

This wasn't fair. Receiving a love letter was supposed to be a _nice_ thing. Not a source of irritation, of indignation... Of humiliation, too. Because, if he thought she could fall into his trap...

Not that she cared about what he thought, of course. But, really, he should have known she wasn't so stupid. Or hadn't he even noticed she was the best student in the class after him and Sirius Black?

No, not _after_ them. She had got as many O.W.L.s as they had, after all! But she hadn't been boasting around about it, so they probably didn't know. They were too proud of their marks to pay attention to others'. Which proved that James wasn't really interested to her. If he were, he would know she was clever too.

But that was not the point. The letter was an outrage and she had to answer it. Tomorrow. In the Great Hall. In front of everyone.

°  
° ° °

_Author notes:_

°"Jamais. Mai. Jamàs."_ - This simply means "never" in French, Italian and Spanish.  
I considered cutting that part, that is not very useful, but then  
Akari made me notice it was funny because the words "Jamais" and "Jamàs" look like "James" lol. __(Yes, when I write something funny, it's nearly always by accident!)_


	3. A month of nightmare

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

_Thank yous: _

**Arwen**, thank you again for correcting my mistakes  
and suggesting some changes that make the story better.

_**Akari**, _grazie_ for telling me what you think  
and always being so supportive._

_**Nicky**,_ merci_ for buying the "magical books that started it all",  
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have._

_And, of course, many thanks to **you,  
the people who read the other chapters and are about to read this one.**  
You'll find in my bio a link to my Live Journal, where I answered your reviews.  
_

_Author notes:  
_

_A friend of mine told me I should clarify a little thing:  
in spite of the fact that her name is very close to my pen name,  
Cybela Adams is not supposed to be me.  
I just thought that Cybela would make a very good name for a witch.  
__  
This fanfiction is dedicated to **Akari** (also known as Florian),  
for the reasons mentioned before chapter 1._

°  
° ° °

**Chapter 3 – A month of nightmare**

First breakfast of the year, and Lily was late... She sighed, thinking it wasn't a very good way to start a term, especially for a Head Girl.

She had told the others not to wait for her while she was searching for her badge, which had probably been thrown on the floor by one of their pillow fights of the previous night. She had already groped about under the five beds when she realized she could easily have saved herself the trouble.

"_Accio_, badge!" she cried out, and the small object came to her, flying from behind her bedside table.

She felt quite stupid not having thought of using her wand right away. After six years at Hogwarts, she should have stopped acting like a Muggle! But, although she was now allowed to do magic whenever she wanted, she had been avoiding it all summer, because of her sister.

She walked out the dormitory, pinning the badge on her robes... and nearly collided with Sandra, who was standing on the landing. Then she spotted Joanne, leaned over the banister four steps down, obviously watching something in the common room.

"What on earth are you doing? Spying on someone?" Lily exclaimed.

Sandra beckoned her to talk less loudly and, exactly at the same time, they heard a familiar voice coming from downstairs:

"I don't understand. I've looked everywhere and I still can't find it. How can it be so stuck the_ Accio_ doesn't work?"

Lily looked from Sandra to Joanne, then back to Sandra, who reminded her just in time that she'd better not to shout.

"She's spying on _Potter_!"

"No, on Black..." Sandra corrected with an amused smile. "You know she likes him!"

She had spoken in a very low voice, but not low enough to escape Joanne's ear.

"I'm only trying to overhear something that could help us finding out what really happened last year!" she protested.

"And you need to_ see_ him to hear better, of course!" Sandra replied, then she smiled again in Lily's direction.

Lily smiled back. She didn't have a much better opinion on Sirius Black than on James Potter, but she knew Joanne didn't really like him. She only liked looking at him because he was so handsome, but nothing more.

"Jo? Do you know that a well-mannered person isn't supposed to listen to the others' conversations?" she asked in a half-serious, half-amused tone of voice, joining her friend on the stairs.

"Well, according to my sister, I have no manners, remember?"

"Oh, that's the best excuse I've ever heard!"

Lily knew she should have told Joanne to stop it immediately, but it wasn't so simple. If she did, she'd be forced to go down and cross the room... And suddenly, in spite of her resolution, she felt unable to face James Potter. Even walking past him seemed impossible to do. And it wasn't the right time at all, anyway. With so few people around it would be useless. So she leaned over the banister as well, telling herself it was the only way to know when the coast would be clear.

From what she had heard before, she had already guessed James's badge had disappeared too, but Joanne knew more:

"It's in Sirius's pocket. I saw him holding it in his hand when James tried the Summoning Charm."

"You're lucky I've finally found mine, or I would have thought you were doing the same joke to me!"

In the meantime, James had been repeating again and again that his badge had to be somewhere. It wasn't normal at all he couldn't get it with the _Accio_...

"I bet Snivellus stole it!" he said eventually. "He probably locked it in his truck or something... "

From the stairs, Lily and Joanne could see Sirius taking a look at the clock, hesitating. He was clearly about to decide it was time to give the badge back to his owner so they wouldn't be too late to eat but, before he could say a word, James had already opened the portrait hole, swearing Snape would "pay for that". Then Sirius followed his friend...and said nothing.

"I don't think he'll keep his badge for a long time if he kills Snape!" Joanne commented laughing.

"And it wouldn't have been worth saving his life!" Sandra added.

In moments like this, Lily thought they both were horribly childish. Nearly as much as those stupid boys that didn't seem able to stop making pranks, even to each other.

"Come on, girls!" she said in a very Head-Girlish tone. "We've got to go."

And she rushed down the stairs without waiting for them.

° ° °

She must have looked like a total idiot, running into the Great Hall – and so late, on top of that! – to find Potter and Black setting down quietly at the Gryffindor table, where Lupin and Pettigrew had saved them seats. Of course James wasn't stupid enough to attack somebody in front at the teachers, so he was merely casting nasty looks at his enemy, waiting for a better place and time to come from looks to spells. Obviously Sirius thought the situation was very funny and Lily knew he would be glad to help James cursing Snape before making his mind up to confess he was the one who took the badge.

She sat down as far from them as she could and started eating as soon as the others had joined her, trying in vain not to hear the first year boys that were talking Quidditch right beside her:

"They say Gryffindor has the best team. "

"Yes, that's true! My sister is in it and she told me their Seeker is amazing. He'll surely be a professional someday.."

"Then we should get his autograph while he's still at school. It would be easier..."

Great! As if Potter needed new fans to swell up his head even more! At least they weren't girls, but still...

° ° °

Lily couldn't concentrate on anything all morning. Her mind kept turning back to her ridiculous entrance. Although she hadn't really looked that way, she could picture the teachers staring at her in disbelief, and she was convinced that Professor McGonagall would hold her back after the Transfiguration class to remark on that unHeadGirly behaviour.

And this wasn't even the only troubling thing... As they were walking to their first class, Joanne had reported to Lily the part of conversation she had missed in the morning, and now she was wondering what Sirius had meant when he had sent Remus and Peter to the Great Hall, recommending them to chose seats "with the best possible view on Evans, so he'll immediately forgive us for the joke".

So James's best friends thought he was really interested in her? Joanne and Sandra, of course, had no doubt left. But Lily still couldn't believe it. There had to be another explanation. Because that letter...

She didn't even know what would be worse, actually. Being taken for a fool was certainly very unpleasant, but at least she would be able to cope with it, even though taking a proper revenge would probably contain some actual risks of falling in the teachers' esteem... She would only have to decide whether the satisfaction of slapping an awful git's face was worth the disgrace of a detention and the loss of her Head Girl position.

Oh God! Or Merlin... Or both. She would never have imagined she could asked herself such a question someday... It was frightening to see how a simple boy, as irritating as he was, could easily make her lose her mind up to that point.

But the thought of him being in love with her was even more frightening, in a way. Because it would be completely out of her control. And most of all it would feel so _weird_!

It was impossible! He couldn't... Why would he? He had never even really talked to her, except to answer back when she tried to use her Prefect authority to make him stop tormenting Severus Snape... or to ask her out, in that casual tone, the same he would have used to say something like "Today's Tuesday, isn't it?" You don't talk that way to someone you like, do you?

Of course you don't ask out someone you don't like, either... So he must like her a little, at least. Or, more probably, he liked the thought of dating for a while a girl that everyone considered as one of the prettiest one in the school. Which was a very silly reason – maybe rather flattering, but silly. Not that Joanne was better with her admiration for Sirius's class and good looks. But, as it was going on since first year, Lily was so used to it that it felt perfectly normal. That was why she never blamed Joanne for it when she criticized so vehemently all the members of James's "fan club".

To be perfectly honest, she wasn't entirely sure it made sense. But Joanne was her friend, and friendship can excuse some faults, can't it? That was surely also why Remus, who hadn't an ounce of pretension in him, didn't seem to notice how unbearable James could be.

Completely wrapped up in those reflections, Lily hadn't paid any attention to the Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, and she felt horribly embarrassed when Professor Redwood asked her a question she couldn't answer, not knowing what it was about.

"The holidays are over, Miss Evans," the woman said rather coldly. "Please try to remember you're back in class now."

How shameful! Being called to order like a first year... It was all because of Potter, of course, but she couldn't say that to the teacher. So she only murmured an apology then glanced in James's direction with the same kind of look he had cast at Snape during breakfast.

That's how she saw he was staring at her. Clearly, he hadn't been listening more than she had, and he would have deserved a reprimand too.

Five or six times during the last twenty minutes of the lesson, Lily turned round to check whether James had finally taken his eyes off her. But he never did. And he didn't even seem to feel embarrased at all when he saw she had noticed; he just smiled, as calmly as if he thought he was perfectly allowed to look at her that way, and that he had absolutely no reason to wonder why she couldn't help looking back. Was he so blind by his self-assurance he couldn't see the irritation in her eyes? Or did he think it was just a matter of time before she realized he was...what were his words, again? _Not only the bloody git you think I am_... Well, if he wasn't, then he showed a real talent pretending to be!

The bell rang as she was trying to stop herself from turning round again. She took more time than she needed to put her things back in her bag, so James would already be far in the corridor when she left the room. But she didn't want to be too far away, because she had to keep an eye on him in case that he would want to take advantage of the break to go and find Snape.

Lily didn't know whether Sirius had given the badge back to James yet or not, but she would have bet he hadn't. And she was right...

She had just gone out, followed by Joanne and Sandra, when she saw James casting a spell on Severus's bag, that tore open and dropped all its contents on the floor.

The badge wasn't there, of course, but sure enough James didn't give up. Before the Slytherin had time to understand his bag hadn't ripped by itself, the Gryffindor swooped on him like a bird on its prey – or like a lion on a snake, if the idea of attacking a snake has ever came to a lion's mind – to grab him by the scuff of the neck and give him a good shaking while shouting "Where did you hide it?"

Lily wasn't close enough to hear what Remus said to Sirius, but she guessed he was telling him to stop the joke. And seeing Sirius shaking his head, answering something that could have been "Let's wait a little more" or even "The fun has just begun", didn't surprise her at all. Remus didn't seem to agree with his friend, but he said nothing more. As for Peter, he behaved like he was watching a boxing match, encouraging James to hit their enemy. So, since she couldn't count on any of them to intervene, Lily decided to do.

"_Accio_, Head Boy badge!" she cried out, and Sirius, who obviously wasn't expecting that, couldn't stop the badge from flying out of his pocket. James might have been able to do so thanks to his Seeker reflexes, but Sirius was completely caught off his guard – as anybody else, including James, who let go on Severus, and the same Severus, who didn't think immediately of counter that assault he still couldn't figure out the motivation of.

He did try some moments later, but Sirius and Remus had get over their surprise too, and they stopped him just in time.

James hadn't moved at all. Lily wasn't even sure he had noticed that Snape had been about to attack him back. He stood there staring at her again, but this time he looked...worried?

Could James Potter be scared of a girl – even the Head Girl – when he didn't even seem to care of being caught by a teacher? Lily smiled at that thought...and James obviously took the smile for him.

All this self-confidence back, he walked towards her, smiling too. She handed the badge to him without a word.

"Thanks, Evans..." he said.

Then, just like in the letter, he added "Lily".

_Lily... _She couldn't even remember having heard him using her first name once in six years. Later, she tried to convince herself that that was the reason why it had sounded so strange, but in reality there was more, and she knew it.

Lots of things seemed to hide under that simple word. Not only the tone of voice, but also that smile he had given her and the look that had accompanied it... All that had been so gentle, so undeniably kind... Even Phoebus Garland, her boyfriend of the previous year, had never said "Lily" that way. Not even before the period of quarrels that had begun with that Quidditch match she had refused to go and watch because she didn't want to see Potter...

Phoebus, as a typical Hufflepuff, was so devoid of jealousy that he sincerely admired James's talent and didn't mind his "tendency to push himself forward" - opinion that the vast majority of the other Quidditch players, including some of James's team mates, didn't share at all. At first, Lily had greatly appreciated Phoebus's modesty, but in the long run it had become more and more annoying. She couldn't stand hearing him complimenting James on his spectacular playing, forgetting he was a very good flyer himself and would be able to lead his team to the victory much more often if only he hadn't had that ridiculous complex of inferiority facing the "stars" like James Potter or the brutes like the Slytherin captain, who used to jostle everyone and held the record of the highest number of faults committed by the same player in one match.

Yes, definitely, Phoebus was a very nice guy, but much too self-effacing. Lily had left him the day when, after she had told him he really needed to acquire more confidence, he had replied she needed to know what she wanted, because she blamed him for being exactly the opposite of what she claimed to hate the most, and that if she had changed her mind she was free to date James instead of him.

Maybe he had even believed, at least for some days, she intended to follow that suggestion... But of course she had never thought of doing so. She was only upset and then - when she had calmed down and understood he probably hadn't meant to say he wouldn't have cared if she had decided to go out with someone else - too proud to apologize. And too unsure it was worth doing, too. Because she did like him, but not much more than if he had been just a friend. And because he didn't even seem to have particularly strong feelings towards her either.

Now... What about James? How could he be so convincing if he was only trying to add her to his collection of girlfriends? Suddenly she was nearly sure his letter had been entirely sincere. And she didn't know what to do or say.

She avoided looking his way for the rest of the day but she could feel his eyes on her every time until she finally came back to her dormitory. It was terribly embarrassing, especially because she hadn't thought before answering and now he was likely imagining things...

Oh, what on earth had got into her?

When she fell asleep, the words still echoed in her head, as to mock her:

_"Thanks, Evans... Lily."_

_"Anytime, Potter... James."_

° ° °

That thoughtless reply was also the first thing that came into her mind the next morning, and she spent all day wondering what James had thought of it.

She tried to analyse her tone of voice and the way she must have looked while saying that – especially while saying "James". She wished she had been ironic, so it would have sounded perfectly normal to everyone including him, but unfortunately her confusion was so great that she hadn't even meant to be. She had only answered automatically to his "Thanks, Evans" by a logical "Anytime, Potter" then... Honestly, she really couldn't understand what had got into her.

There was no point in pretending he might have got it the right way, that's to say without any insinuation at all, just because she had spoken without thinking. He wasn't supposed to know that and, moreover, in all probability he hoped she had started to see him differently, so he was bound to have taken her words as an agreement to his decision of giving up the formal terms. And now he was surely convinced she didn't hate him that much, after all.

_So that's what happens when you're too polite. And when you help people that don't deserve it. They think you like them, and you find yourself in a very embarrassing situation._

"It's so unfair!" Lily exclaimed.

She had been forced to talk to her friends, though she didn't want to, because hiding so much confusion to them was impossible, especially when her lack of attention in class kept bringing upon her remarks from all the teachers.

"But what did you mean, in reality?" Joanne asked for the third time of the day.

Lily sighed – and this was not the third time, but at least the tenth.

"I don't know. Nothing. Just what I said."

"So you meant 'I'll help you again whenever you need me to' – which is being surprisingly kind to someone you're supposed to hate – then... Well, I may lack imagination but what could that 'James' mean apart from 'OK, from now on we're using first names to talk to each other'?"

"Nothing!" Lily repeated in a desperate tone.

Joanne stopped insisting but Lily could still see her dubious expression, and it wasn't much better than questions.

She turned to Sandra, who had been listening in silence.

"Don't you understand either? I just... didn't know what else to say!"

Sandra nodded.

"I know. You weren't able to think clearly. No girl is when a boy smiles at her that way..."

"_Sandra_!"

It was hopeless. If her own friends refused to listen to reason she hadn't the slightest chance to convince anyone. Was it really so difficult to understand? She had felt confused, that was true, but _only because she was surprised_. Not because that stupid boy had succeeded in touching her heart or any romantic idiocy of that kind.

"Should I stick up an explanatory note on the board of the common room to make it clear at last?"

Until that point, Joanne had managed to look sorry to have annoyed her friend, but she couldn't help laughing at the idea of what Lily would write in her note.

"_I DON'T like James Potter more than before. I still think he's awfully arrogant and imbued with himself. I used his first name by mistake, in a moment of aberration due to the shock I had when he dared using mine. So I strictly forbid him to do it again and I warn him that, if he doesn't obey, I'll be forced to put a silencing charm on him anytime he'll try to talk to me. Lily Evans, Head Girl._ That would look great!"

Even Lily burst out laughing.

"I'll consider the possibility... But I would add I also forbid him to look at me. He hasn't stopped all day. It's driving me crazy!"

"Oh, just ignore him!" Sandra advised. "He's bound to tire of it sooner or later."

° ° °

If Sandra really thought James wouldn't keep staring at Lily, she was seriously mistaken. He didn't stop that week or the next one, or even the one after. When the end of September came, he still took seats "with the best possible view on Evans" from breakfast to dinner. That included, of course, all the classes they had together – which meant Lily was freed from his harassment only in Arithmancy, while he was in Muggle Studies. She often wished she was in Ravenclaw, or in Hufflepuff... Even Slytherin would have done if it had been the only way to escape from that kind of constant surveillance.

She had taken the habit to do her homework in the dormitory, so he had no longer the possibilily to annoy her as he had done on the first four days. Writing on a bed wasn't very easy, but at least she could concentrate instead of glancing sideways every two minutes, not even knowing why since it was obvious she would see the same as each previous time. So she considered now the Gryffindor common room as a place to be avoided, except at Quidditch practice times.

Sometimes she wondered whether James realized what he was doing. If she hadn't hated him yet she would certainly have taken a great dislike to him after less than a week of this unbearable behaviour. What was he trying to do, exactly?To get her attention? What would have been better, as it couldn't be in the right way? Obviously he hasn't any idea of what he was supposed to do when the girl he wanted wasn't already interested in him. With all those who had successively been given the honour – highly debatable, in Lily's opinion – of being the Quidditch star's girlfriend for a month or two (at the very most), he had just to ask and they said yes without any hesitation. But now that he had decided to go out of the circle of his fan club to tackle a real challenge, he must feel more uncomfortable as he would if he had to play against the best professional Quidditch team in the world.

Even though she would never have admitted it in front of anyone, Lily felt almost sorry for him about that. On the other hand, it was a very good thing: he wasn't the best at everything, after all, and he was learning he couldn't get all what he wanted. That could only be good for him. He might even change a little, who knows?

But... _Wait a minute!_

On reflection, he had _already_ changed! He had been so busy watching Lily that he hadn't paid attention to any other girl since the beginning of term and – this was what surprised everyone the most – he looked now dreamy rather than arrogant, and thoughtful rather than self-assured.

Joanne had started teasing Lily about that:

"Now you could date him," she said. "You haven't any reason left to dislike him!"

But Sandra had been right on the first day; Lily did miss criticizing him. She still had something to reproach him, of course, but it was the same everyday so it couldn't keep a conversation going. Now, when she mentioned his name, it was no longer in a long speech but only in a few words, just to say he didn't seem to tire at all or another half-resigned sentence of that kind.

In fact, the situation, far to improve with time, had reached another level on the scale of the intolerable around the end of the month, when James had started offering help to Lily with lots of little things she could perfectly do by herself, such as carrying her bag, peeling an apple or going and get something she had forgotten in a classroom.

She systematically refused everything, but he didn't show any sign of discouragement – unlike her, who couldn't stand having him constantly on her way. That's why she finally blew up one day in the beginning of October.

He had just picked up a quill she had dropped then offered to carry her bag again, looking like he was begging her to let him do so, and she thought she really had to tell him he was acting like a complete cretin.

"Stop, stop, STOP! Please stop it before I have an attack of nerves and kill you to be alone at last! I thought you couldn't be worse than when you're showing off on your stupid broomstick or playing with that ridiculous Snitch, trying to impress the girls, but I was wrong: you're hundreds of times worse now! And you even lost your dignity. I don't think I'm worth that – nobody is. You should be ashamed, Potter! You fell from an extreme to the other... Can't you find a happy medium? And most of all, if you really want to do something to please me, just let me be, OK?"

James didn't answer, and she walked away without looking back.

Then she smiled to herself.

She had finally managed to make the Quidditch star "fall of his broom". It was better than a slap in the face. And if he had any pride left, it must hurt even more.

_**PLEASE DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT BOOK 6 IN YOUR REVIEWS!**_


	4. So confused

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

_Thank yous: _

**Arwen**, thank you again for being such an helpful beta-reader.

_**Akari**, _grazie_ for your comments, for being there...  
You know I would never have written that if you hadn't supported me._

_**Nicky**,_ merci_ for buying the "magical books that started it all",  
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have._

_And thanks to my readers,  
especially to **spygirl4747 **who was the only one to review chapter 3...  
__(I guess I shouldn't have published it while everyone was reading book 6!)_

°  
° ° °

**Chapter 4 – So confused**

Less than 24 hours later, it seemed that the whole school was commenting on Lily's fit of anger. Some people laughed; others sounded rather shocked. James's admirers, of course, thought she was totally insane and held it against her for making him look like a fool. So she couldn't walk in a corridor without meeting some pairs of reproachful, flashing eyes.

"Great! He stopped staring at me, but his fan club is taking over!" she sighed as she and her friends passed by another group of Pottermaniacs on their way from Potions to Charms.

She had to admit it was an improvement, though; since she had only two classes in common with one of those girls, she was able to concentrate again during the other lessons, and even her new enemy wasn't as annoying as James had been, so she didn't have to worry anymore about the repercussion that constant distraction would have on her marks.

"And at least now you can be sure that Potter will never bother you again," Sandra pointed out. "After what you told him, he probably hates you even more than his fans do!"

Did he? Lily suddenly realised she hadn't wanted that. She had meant to hurt him, of course, because she was so angry, but now she felt a little guilty. Which annoyed her, but she couldn't help it. And she didn't dare ask Joanne's or Sandra's opinion. It was the first time since their first year that Lily wasn't sure they would understand her. They never seemed to take the matter seriously and, above all, Lily wanted to avoid their teasing. So she said nothing, but it was hard to take her thoughts for herself. She really needed to talk to someone.

That's why she was glad, that evening, to see Cybela Adams, who was leaving the library just as Lily was about to enter it in hope of finding a book likely to take her mind off of things. She didn't know how to begin, but Cybela tacked the subject first:

"I wanted to tell you that I admire the way you talked to James Potter. He really needed to be turned down, for once!"

That was true, but Lily really felt much less proud of her brilliant feat since Sandra's remark had made her think James might be very upset about it.

"So you don't think it was...immoderate?" she asked hesitantly.

Obviously not, judging by Cybela's look.

"Do you?" the Ravenclaw girl wondered.

"Sometimes," Lily confessed. "You know... He was driving me crazy, so I really lost control. I hated him more than ever but now... You see, if he did all that because he loved me..."

Lily stopped talking, remembering she had never said a word about that in front of anyone but Sandra and Joanne. She wasn't entirely sure that mentioning the letter now would be a good idea, but since she had begun...

The two girls sat down on the bottom step of the nearest staircase and Lily told Cybela the whole story - talking very low and checking every two seconds that nobody could hear her, of course.

"He can't be serious!" the Ravenclaw girl exclaimed when she knew James pretended to be in love with Lily.

That reaction, so different from her Gryffindor friends', surprised Lily greatly.

"That's what I thought," she said. "But..."

She hesitated. Cybela seemed to understand better than the others, but could she be trusted not to repeat their conversation?

"Lily, I saw him with Linda... He doesn't even know what 'love' means!"

Lily sighed.

"That's what I said, too."

"So why did you change your mind?"

"I'm not sure I did. It's just... I'm not sure of anything anymore now."

It sounded horribly theatrical even to her own ear, but it was the best way to describe her state of mind. Unsure. Doubtful. Lost.

"Maybe you should ask his friends," Cybela suggested. "They surely know."

Lily shook her head.

"They wouldn't tell me the truth."

"I think Remus Lupin would. Or he'd say he can't tell you, but he surely wouldn't lie."

Remus? Well, at least he was too polite to laugh at her... But could she manage to see him alone? It would have been possible when he was a Prefect, but now...

"Just come here tomorrow after dinner," Cybela advised. "He finds the Gryffindor common room too noisy to study."

"How do you know that?"

Cybela was so shy that Lily would have bet she had never talked to a boy in her entire life.

"Well...the Ravenclaws aren't perfectly quiet, either."

That didn't explain everything, but Lily didn't ask more questions. After all, it was none of her business if Cybela fancied Remus. At least she would have better tastes than Linda...

° ° °

Lily spent two hours working on an essay while watching out for an opportunity to talk to Remus, who was sitting at the other end of the long table. She had been doing the same every day for a week and a half but, everytime, something interfered with her plans; either Remus didn't come at all or there were too many people around to have a private conversation. However, Cybela had convinced her on making another attempt, and that's why the two girls were there again, pretending to be deeply concentrating on their work when, in reality, they didn't miss any of the other students' comings and goings.

Lily was about to leave, convinced that staying longer was completely useless, when the group of 5th years that were occupying the best part of the table started to get their things together.

"Now you can go," Cybela whispered.

Slowly, Lily put her quill down, rolled up her parchment, shut her inkpot and took the letter out of her bag.

Cybela left right behind the others, turning for a second on the doorstep to make a little sign of encouragement to her Gryffindor friend.

Now the coast was clear... Except that, taking a look at Remus and seeing him so absorbed in a book, Lily didn't felt she had the right to disturb him.

She got up, the letter in her hand, still wondering whether she should try to catch his attention. Suddenly she didn't even remember why exactly she wanted to talk to him. To know the truth, yes, but...was that so important, after all? Important enough to take the risk of letting a friend of James Potter's know how much that letter had perturbed her?

She hadn't decided yet when Remus looked up, saw her and smiled.

"Need this book?" he asked. "You can take it. I finished my essay. I was only reading another chapter. It's very interesting."

"Oh! No, I don't need it... Thanks."

She wished she could stop the conversation there, go out the room and forget about all that forever, but Remus had obviously guessed she had been wanting to ask him for something, so it was too late to draw back.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me..." she began.

But what was she supposed to say next? "...if James loves me for real"? "...if your bigheaded friend tried to trap me with this ridiculous declaration"?

Not finding a good end, she left the sentence unfinished and went round the table to sit down on the chair next to Remus's. Then she handed him James's letter.

"Please tell me what you think of this," she said in a voice that she couldn't keep from trembling a little.

Remus took the parchment envelope with an expression of puzzlement that turned into astonishment when he recognized the handwriting.

"James wrote to you!"

So he didn't know...

"Or someone imitated his handwriting... But I guess you can tell whether it's really his."

"Oh, I'm sure it is. But, Lily...do you want me to read all that? I don't think I should. He says it's personal..."

Of course, Remus was too well mannered to read something when he knew the author wouldn't like him to do... However, Lily insisted:

"I know. And it _is_ personal, but...please, just read it. You'll see why I'm so...confused."

She'd have rather avoided saying that out loud, but she felt she had to be honest.

Remus stared at her for some seconds, looking surprised, and Lily wondered what he was thinking. Then, saying nothing, he resumed his reading of the letter.

Observing his reactions, Lily could tell that James's sudden humility - when he acknowledged being _terribly showing-off sometimes_ - amazed Remus as much as her. But it was nothing compared to her own amazement when she saw him smiling as he reached the last part - the actual declaration of love.

Did that mean it was a joke, after all? But no; on further consideration, it was obviously not that kind of smile - not mocking or anything. It looked more like the smile of someone seeing his guess confirmed. A smile that said "I knew it". Except that Remus didn't look too pleased to have been right. He kept silent, clearly not knowing what to say, so Lily asked:

"Well then, what do you think?"

Remus finally took his eyes off the parchment to look at her with a sort of anxiety.

"James did write that, I have no doubt, if that's what you want to know. It's not only the handwriting; some words are typically his, too."

So she knew, now. She had an answer, at last - an answer that shouldn't even have surprised her, since she had already been nearly convinced of James's sincerity after the day when she gave him his Head Boy badge back. But hearing it was still a shock. And of course it didn't solve the problem at all.

"I can't believe it," she said, more to herself than to the boy who was still staring at her, with his head to one side, probably trying to guess her thoughts and searching for the best way to speak in James's favour - or maybe wondering whether he should do it.

"Lily..." he said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"I can imagine how it must be hard for you to believe it but, really, James means all that. He would never have written such a letter if he didn't. I can't believe it either, in a way. I knew...hum...how he felt about you - we all knew, though he has always been trying to deny it because he was too proud to admit he was upset every time you refused to go out with him - but..."

Lily had involuntarily frowned at the words "you refused to go out with him", that sounded like a reproach, and Remus stopped talking. Ill at ease, he looked down at the table and started toying with his quill.

"But?" Lily repeated gently, hoping he would catch the apology in her tone.

She knew he hadn't meant to reproach her anything, in reality.

"I never thought he would tell you," Remus finished. "You know how he is..."

He paused, clearly expecting Lily to say something, but she refrained from doing.

"As long as he was pretending he didn't really care, he could ask you out every time he had an opportunity without having his dignity too scratched..."

This time Lily couldn't help commenting:

"Never thought about mine, did he? He never tried to imagine how degrading it could be, feeling I was considered just a pretty girl among so many others..."

She had been too hurt by James's apparent detachment to miss the chance to let it know. She was sorry only for the ironic tone, because Remus wasn't responsible for James's stupidity. And he looked so uncomfortable... Nearly ashamed at his friend's place!

"To be honest, I thought you hated him too much to feel anything but angry," Remus said, toying with his quill again to avoid her eye. "He probably thought the same."

"To be honest too, _I_ did," Lily confessed. "I never asked myself why I was angry since I already had lots of reasons to dislike him anyway. What I said before, I realised it lately, because I was more hurt than ever. You see...I thought the letter might be just a manoeuvre to add me to his collection of girlfriends."

Remus didn't answer right away. Obviously shocked, he first seemed about to retort vehemently. Lily even saw his eyes flashing with an intensity that makes her recoil slightly, but the next second he had his usual calm back and she felt like an idiot. There was absolutely no reason to be afraid of a boy like Remus Lupin, even highly indignant at something you said about a friend of his. It was ridiculous. And unkind. She knew he had noticed, and that it saddened him, though she couldn't really understand why.

"Remus..." she began. "I didn't mean..."

But he didn't let her finish.

"I know. No matter. Just remember James would never harm you or anyone else to achieve his aim. He's got faults, of course, but he's not...well, in short, he's not a Slytherin!"

That was certainly not a very nice thing to be said, and Remus looked a little ashamed to have let out a general opinion about a group of people without knowing them all personally, but since it was common knowledge that the Sorting Hat had always picked for the Slytherin House the students most likely to adopt a "the end justifies the means" philosophy, Lily could hardly blame him for that. So she chose to ignore the slanderous side of his words and she laughed, saying he was talking as if he thought she regard James as a sort of monster, who would have all the faults in the world.

"Oh! And I'd be wrong to think so?" Remus asked, laughing too.

"Well...not that much!"

They laughed louder, incurring a disapproving look from Madam Pince.

"We'd better go," Lily said. "Thanks for helping me. Now at least I know this letter is not just some prank of yours. I mean... Not _yours_, of course!"

Remus smiled.

"I'm never totally innocent in the Marauders' pranks, you know... That's why I felt so uncomfortable as a Prefect. Every time Sirius had one of those silly ideas he's never short of and that James started making plans to put it into practice with Peter's enthusiastic support, I knew I should have stopped them but I never did - I only tried to put a brake on their projects when they really were about to go too far, as I'd always done. That's...sort of my job in the gang. But a Prefect's supposed to tell a teacher when school rules are broken and that...I just couldn't do it. It would have been betrayal."

He paused for one second before saying the last sentence, in a very low voice:

"So I betrayed the teachers' trust instead."

His smile had disappeared and he was looking so sad again... Much more than he should, in Lily's opinion. She was sure that neither Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall had ever expected him to give his friends away. And she told him so, adding as a conclusion an "After all, you're not a Slytherin!" that brought his smile back, just like she was hoping it would.

He had already begun to put all his things in his bag while he was talking, and Lily turned back to the other end of the table to gather hers too.

She had lots of questions in mind - about the reason why he had refused to be Head Boy, about the funny names he and his friends gave to each other and about that excessive guilty feeling he had when he thought of all the pranks he should have stopped them from making - but she didn't dare ask anything as they were walking to the Gryffindor Tower. Remus was so reserved... He had been her classmate for six years, they had been together as well at the Prefect meetings for two years, and Lily still didn't think she was able to say she knew him - not really. He never talked about himself and even harmless questions such as "Where do you live?" or "Are your parents Wizards or Muggles?" sounded very personal when addressed to him, probably because he never asked anything to anyone.

If he was wondering what she intended to do now that she knew James really liked her, he didn't show it. He kept silent and didn't even seem to remember Lily was there until she spoke, just before they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Remus... Please don't tell Pot-- please don't tell _James_ I talked to you about the letter. I guess I have to answer it, but I need time to think."

He nodded, understanding.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything."

Then Lily gave the password to the Fat Lady and, as the portrait was starting to pivot, Remus added hastily:

"Please try not to hurt him."

° ° °

She had promised. She had promised not to hurt James Potter. And she really meant to keep that promise... But how?

"Go out with him!" Joanne suggested, half-mocking, half-serious.

Sandra merely asked Lily whether she still hated James as much as before.

Good question... At the time, Lily answered with her usual vehemence, maintaining she couldn't change her mind about all the idiotic things James had done to impress the girls, and yet...

On second thought it was obvious that something had changed. She still didn't like James very much, of course, but, now that she knew he had been sincere, she felt horribly ashamed about the way she had turned him down every time he had talked to her. So it wasn't only because of her promise that she tried to find something to write in answer to the letter. But no matter the reason, it was a real headache.

What do you write to someone who loves you when you barely can stand them? How can you be kind without giving the impression you might like them, after all?

Even the opening was a problem. _Potter_? Too cold. _Dear Potter_? Not cold enough. Not to mention _Dear James_! As for _Potter - James_... That would be particularly ambiguous. To her, it would only mean she found the expression amusing, but he surely would take it another way, whether as a mockery or, more likely, as a new agreement to his decision of using first names, which would imply a notion of closeness... No, she couldn't write that. It was quite enough to have let out those words once! So she left a blank space at the top of the parchment and tried to concentrate on the main part of her message.

_Sorry I didn't answer your letter sooner. I was so surprised I didn't know what to..._

No! No apology. Never forget who had something to apologise for in the first place.

_I must confess that, when I first read that letter of yours, I thought you were making fun of me, but then I asked Remus and..._

No, mentioning Remus wouldn't be a good thing. James wouldn't certainly be happy to know his friend had read his love words.

Then...what else?

Maybe humour could do. Only, it can easily be taken wrong, especially when you don't have the person in front of you... She couldn't just write something like _I think it will be very, very hard for you to convince me you're not really a "bloody git" but I guess I have to give you the chance you asked for_ and hope he would understand it wasn't supposed to be unkind irony, for once.

About an hour and ten more crossed out start sentences later, Lily crumpled the scrap parchment and unrolled a new one, smaller than the first, to write that simple note:

_OK, Potter, since you seem determined to act reasonably now, I think we should be able to talk to each other in a civilized manner. So, if you still want to make things right with me, you know where I am. L.E. _

Was it enough? Too much? No matter, after all; at least it was something. But what would he think? Say? And do?

° ° °

Those questions kept running into Lily's mind all night long, and she was very nervous when she went down for breakfast the next morning. What if James called out to her in front of the whole school?

Fortunately, he spared her that embarrassment, but he did turn round and smile as she was passing behind his seat. And she smiled back - which amazed her friends.

"Lily? Are you all right?" Joanne asked in an exaggerated tone of concern.

"I'm just trying to be kind, Jo!"

"Kind to your worse enemy! You really must be unwell!"

Sandra didn't make any comment, but her amused expression spoke for her, in a way even more awkward than Joanne's. So Lily felt forced to confess she had answered the letter, but insisted on her promise to Remus to justify her sudden about-face. Then she refused to say anything more.

They ate in silence, since neither Sandra or Joanne was able to find another argument that would interest them as much as the big piece of news they had just heard. Lily was still wondering what James had thought of her note. And, though she couldn't see him, she would have bet he was staring at her again.

She managed not to turn her head in his direction until the end of the meal, but when she got up she couldn't avoid meeting his eyes; someone was standing right beside her seat and she merely knocked against them, so she looked up to apologise...and remained speechless when she saw who it was.

"Can I talk to you?" James asked with a smile.

Once again, she smiled back. Not that she really wanted too, but since she had promised...

"You've already talked!" she pointed out in an amused tone.

Then, thinking he could take it as a sarcasm - after all, sentences like that always are, usually - she added, beckoning her friends not to wait for her:

"Yes, you can. But if we're supposed to have a real conversation we'd better choose another time; we've got a lesson in less than ten minutes!"

"That'll do. I only have a question to ask you - a _second_ question, I mean!"

James's expression had nothing of its usual pretension. He looked exactly like when Lily had called him by his first name on the day of that badge matter, and it was highly disturbing to her. For some seconds she couldn't even remember why she had always hated him so much. So, when he asked whether she thought she would be able to survive an entire afternoon with him, she answered automatically "Yes, I think I could."

Then she realised what she had just said and added jokingly, hoping it would restore a certain distance:

"It'll surely be difficult, but I'll make an effort!"

"OK," James replied with a grin. "I promise you I will, too."

"Make an effort to stand me!"

He laughed.

"Yes, to stand you! Don't you know you're at least as unbearable as I am?"

Lily was about to give up her resolutions and turn back to the slap idea, but she saw just in time the mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

"Is that a kind of challenge? 'Who will be worse' or something?"

James certainly wasn't expecting her to take it that way, but it didn't seem to bother him. Joking was one of his strongest suits, after all. He was in his element.

"Well, we'll find out soon. Halloween day in Hogsmeade... Two weeks to go and I'll finally have my date with you!"

Lily stared at him in shock.

"Hey, who said it would be a date!" she exclaimed, frowning.

"Well, I did," James answered simply, eyes sparkling again and with a smile that Lily would have defined as charming if it hadn't been his. "What else would you call it?"

"A Who's-the-most-unbearable-person-in-the-school-? competition, of course!"

Another smile... And that look... He must really like her. It was...frightening? No, not entirely...

"You know, I meant I would do my best to behave, so you would see I'm a better choice than the Giant Squid," James explained eventually.

So he remembered that...

"You're going to have a hard time convincing me!" Lily warned, still sounding amused when in reality she felt rather awkward at the thought that yes, of course, he remembered the Giant Squid line, since it had hurt him. Not that he looked like he cared now, but he was so good at hiding that kind of feelings...

"OK, we'll see. Let's meet at Madam Puddifoot's, shall we?" he suggested.

Lily's reservations came back in full force at the mention of what was known as the most romantic place to go for a date in Hogsmeade.

"The Three Broomsticks, if you don't mind," she said a little too coldly.

If James was surprised or annoyed, he managed to hide it under an exaggerated courtesy:

"Just as you like, Miss Evans."

He didn't bow or anything of that kind but Lily was half expecting him to do, and she let out a little laugh at the thought, imagining herself curtseying in answer like a fairy tale princess.

"Are you making fun of me?"

As the question didn't sound at all like a reproach, Lily allowed herself another joking reply:

"Oh, I never would! It's _so_ not like me, isn't it?"

"About as much as it's not like _me_, I'd say!"

Lily had almost forgotten who she was talking to. She was enjoying herself and didn't even notice how strange it should have felt.

"OK, since you're insulting me, I won't tell you what made me laugh!" she vowed, assuming an offended expression.

"Am I supposed to implore your forgiveness going down on my knees or something?" James inquired.

"Would you?" Lily asked playfully.

"Never!" he claimed without the slightest hesitation. "What do you think? I've got my pride, you know!"

"All school knows that!" she commented.

It was a tricky subject and, though he kept on speaking in the same carefree tone, Lily could tell James was terribly afraid of having ruined everything when he answered:

"You've just insulted me, too, so we're even. Now tell me what was so funny to you."

"Not today. We'll see at The Three Broomsticks. _If_ you do behave, of course!"

"Of course," he agreed, clearly happy she hadn't changed her mind about the date, and once again his smile confused Lily.

She shouldn't have liked it and she hated admitting she did...but at least now she knew that the afternoon she would be forced to spend with James wasn't bound to be a complete nightmare.

"And what will you do if I don'tbehave?" James asked, pretending to be extremely worried.

"Nothing compared to what I'm going to do if I'm not in time for the lesson!" Lily replied, looking anxiously at her watch. "We'd better run; there's only one minute left."

She didn't feel like joking anymore, but James was too used to the teachers' remarks to care much about that.

"Just tell me something," he said. "What would bother you most - being late...or entering the classroom just in time, out of breath and _with me_?"

Lily, who had already started walking quickly towards the door, stopped short and turned round, a horrified look on her face.

He wasn't really thinking what she thought he was thinking, was he? He couldn't. And the others would never believe... But yes, of course they would. Or at least they would pretend to do, just for fun.

"Oh, this time I'm really going to kill you!" she shouted. "You did it on purpose, didn't you? You managed to make me forget it was time to go and..."

She wasn't even sure not to believe it. She wasn't sure of anything except that she had no chance to reach the classroom in time. And since she didn't want to blame it on herself, it had to be on him.

She was considering again the possibily of slapping him, but he grabbed her hand, begging her to calm down.

"Please keep your killing intentions for later and follow me. I know a secret passageway that can save us. But you have to swear you'll never tell anyone about it."

Another secret? James and his friends seemed to have more secrets than the rest of the Hogwarts students put together... But Lily had no time to think about that right now. Since it was her only chance to avoid a lateness, she decided to trust her "enemy" and followed him without a word.

°  
° ° °

_Do you think that everything was clear enough in the conversation with Remus?  
I had to let guess what he was thinking about and couldn't tell Lily, which was quite hard.  
If you have time, please tell me what seems clear to you and what doesn't._

_See you soon!  
(At least I hope so... It depends on my beta-reader.)_


	5. Date in Hogsmeade

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

_Thank yous: _

**Arwen**, thank you again for correcting my mistakes  
and suggesting some changes that make the story better.

_**Akari**, _grazie_ for telling me what you think  
and always being so supportive._

_**Nicky**,_ merci_ for buying the "magical books that started it all",  
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have._

_And, of course, many thanks to **you,  
the people who read the other chapters and are about to read this one.**  
You'll find in my bio a link to my Live Journal, where I answered your reviews.  
_

_Author notes:  
_

_A friend of mine told me I should clarify a little thing:  
in spite of the fact that her name is very close to my pen name,  
Cybela Adams is not supposed to be me.  
I just thought that Cybela would make a very good name for a witch.  
__  
This fanfiction is dedicated to **Akari** (also known as Florian),  
for the reasons mentioned before chapter 1._

°  
° ° °

**Chapter 5 - Date in Hogsmeade**

Lily felt more and more nervous as Halloween was drawing nearer. She tried to concentrate on her school work and her Head Girl duties to avoid thinking she had been stupid enough to accept a date with James Potter, but the last days were extremely hard. She just wasn't in the mood for standing Joanne's teasing about the sudden kindness she had shown to her "enemy", and it ended with a quarrel when she found out that Linda knew about the date.

Of course, all of the school would know sooner or later, since lots of people would inevitably see them at the Three Broomsticks, and yes, Joanne had the right to talk to her sister - plus, she hadn't even given any detail. But still...

Lily had claimed so many times she would never understand how a sensible girl could let herself be talked into going out with a boy so well known to change his girlfriend at least once a month that she must really look like a fool now. Linda was bound to point that out next time she would see her...

And sure enough she did. Lily simply replied she hadn't time to talk - which was true, since she had to attend a Prefect meeting - but she was so on edge that she yelled at almost every person that crossed her way that evening, including two 6th year Prefects who were arguing over a school rule as she entered the meeting room, then James, who had been watching the scene without bothering intervene.

Later, when he tried to start a conversation as they were walking up to the Gryffindor common room with the Prefects of the House, she told him curtly not to speak to her before Halloween, because it would be enough to spend an entire afternoon with him. She had managed to keep her promise to Remus until then, answering with a smile when James greeted her in the morning and protesting only with a little gesture, looking amused rather than annoyed, when he started staring at her in class again, but this time it was too much. She couldn't help feeling panic-stricken at the thought that everyone would soon be commenting on the Head Girl and Head Boy'snew "friendship"... Surely imagining much more than the truth, to top it all off.

"You're not forced to come, if it's such a chore to you," James said, sounding rather hurt and probably doing his best to hide how much he was.

Guilt made Lily blush a little, but the next second her irritation got the upper hand again as she saw that the 5th year Prefect girl was pricking up her ears to catch their words.

"I promised, so I'll come," she answered in a very low voice. "But please don't ask me more."

Then she quickened her pace to reach the staircase first and climbed the steps as fast as she could until the top of the tower.

° ° °

Halloween came too fast. Lily didn't feel prepared at all to face James and, even worse, all those students from 3rd to 7th year that were gathering in the entrance hall, ready for a day in Hogsmeade. It seemed that everybody glanced at her every ten seconds then whispered something to their friends, laughing.

"Don't be stupid! They don't even know!" Sandra reminded her.

Linda knew, though. And she was precisely the person Lily would have most liked to hide that from. Even avoiding speaking to her was no longer possible, since she and Cybela always joined Joanne, Sandra and Lily when they went to Hogsmeade. Joanne had promised she would try to stop her sister from asking embarrassing questions, but Lily doubted it would be enough, and only wish she could go back to the Gryffindor common room to spend the day reading in her favourite armchair next to the fireplace. That would be great...but she couldn't do that, and why? Just because James Potter fancied her for some absurd reason!

"Why can't he just leave me alone?" she moaned, more to herself than to Sandra and Joanne, who were trying to see over the heads of some Hufflepuff boys whether Linda and Cybela had come out of the Great Hall at last.

Joanne spotted them exactly at that time and started waving to catch their attention, not even noticing Lily had said something, but Sandra had heard and, although she couldn't guess exactly what Lily had been thinking about, she knew perfectly who that "he" had referred to.

"There's hope," she said. "Look!"

Lily followed the direction of Sandra's gaze and froze in surprise.

Chloe Jones! Chloe Jones talking to James and _running her fingers through his hair_!

"What is he doing with that...girl?"

Lily was too well-mannered to use the word that had first come into her mind, but the others (including Linda and Cybela, who had just arrived) didn't need to hear it to know it began with a "b" and would have scandalized Professor McGonagall even more than the worse piece of cheating that the Slytherin Quidditch team could commit in a match versus Gryffindor.

"Isn't she with Mark Davis?" Cybela asked, frowning.

"She was, but I heard they broke up last week," Joanne answered.

"Maybe she's trying to make him jealous," Sandra ventured.

"But he's not the one who is," Linda said, sounding highly amused.

Lily hadn't taken her eyes off James and Chloe while the others were speaking, but she hadn't missed any of their words and she turned round so suddenly to cast an angry look at Linda that the Ravenclaw girl moved back, and her mocking smile disappeared at once.

"I _am not_ jealous and have no reason to be! Is that clear?"

Linda nodded. She didn't look convinced at all but, as long as she shut up, Lily didn't care.

Joanne started talking very fast, as if she was hoping that her stream of words would cancel from her friends' mind the remark her sister shouldn't have made. She explained - to no one in particular since Sandra, Linda and Cybela all knew already - that Chloe had always envied Lily and her good marks, especially considering she hadn't even to work very hard to get them, that the situation didn't improve when Lily was made a Prefect and that, of course, it couldn't be better now that she was the Head Girl.

"If someone's jealous, she is!" Joanne concluded.

"No doubt," Sandra approved. "In addition, Chloe's a Pureblood and I guess she takes as a personal insult the fact that a Muggle-born has always had more facilities to learn magic than she has."

"That explains why she still likes James Potter, who's also one of the best students in the school," Cybela said. "He is not Muggle-born."

Linda laughed.

"Actually, it certainly wouldn't matter much to her if he was. I mean, you can forgive anything to such a good-looking boy, can't you?"

Lily thought it was better for her not to comment on that. As they were moving forward in the line of the students waiting to have their names marked off on Filch's list, then walking through the park, she listened rather absent-mindly to the others, who were discussing the argument of forgiving anything to a good-looking boy and, also, who was the most good-looking boy in Hogwarts. She already knew her friends' opinion about that, anyway. And she didn't want them to ask for hers.

Fortunately, the Stonewall sisters were busy insisting for Sandra to tell them who she would like to date if she hadn't that Muggle boyfriend she had met two summer holidays before, and Cybela simply walked in silence, apparently not very anxious on joining the conversation either. She did say "I like Remus better. Sirius and James are too self-assured; it makes me uncomfortable," but nothing more.

Lily was entirely in agreement with her about that, of course - except that Potter and Black got on her nerves instead of making her uncomfortable. Yes, definitely, Lupin was the best of the little gang. As far as she could tell, Pettigrew was rather nice too, but his exaggerated admiration towards Potter made her feel like shaking him, shouting "Hey, live for you! Stop dreaming to be him!". So, Remus... Why didn't she like him more? Not that she disliked him, of course. Not at all. She did like him, really. But not like Cybela seemed to do. And she couldn't understand why, since he was so nice.

She sighed, convinced to be the more complicated girl in the world.

It had been the same with Phoebus Garland. She liked him very much, but it wasn't love. Her mind was telling her he was exactly what she needed, but her heart refused to listen to it. Something was missing, and she didn't know what. He just wasn't the right person. But who would be, then?

_James._

She couldn't stop the name from coming into her mind, and shaking her head while thinking "Ridiculous" didn't change anything. So she told herself it might be just because she knew he thought he was - or that she was the right person for him, but it came down to the same thing.

How could he be so sure? Or wasn't he? He had written "_probably_ love you"... But would he have sent that letter if he had had any doubt?

_He loves me._

She still couldn't get used to that. And what she had just seen didn't help.

What was he doing with Chloe Jones?

From a strictly logical point of view, Lily should have been happy - after all, if James had understood at last there was no chance for his feelings to be returned someday, she really had nothing to complain about - and yet...

Actually, she was furious. She felt like hitting both him and Chloe, and she hadn't done it only because it would have looked like a fit a jealousy - not mentioning the trouble it would have put her in.

And no, it _wouldn't_ have been a fit of jealousy. Not at all.

She felt humiliated, not jealous.

Or just a little, then. Because being loved is flattering, even when you don't love the person back. Nothing more.

"Oh, look at this!"

Suddenly dragged out of her thoughts, Lily had no idea of what the others had been saying in the past few minutes. She didn't even remember having walked through the school gates or taken the road to Hogsmeade. But the village was now in sight, and everybody was already admiring the Halloween decorations of the nearest houses and shops. There were no pumpkins as big as the ones they had in Hogwarts, but it was still very impressive.

Lily forgot her problems for a good hour while she watched the windows with her friends and bought some sweets at Honeydukes. But then they decided to go to Zonko's ("Better keeping ourselves up-to-date on their new tricks, so we'll know what to beware of!" Sandra declared joyfully) and they came right across the Marauders who were going out, each of them carrying a big bag of shopping, just as Joanne was moving her hand forward to open the entrance door.

Sirius Black was first, and he fixed on Lily a look that seemed to hesitate between amusement and distrust.

"Couldn't wait to see James, Evans? We can leave him to you now, if you promise to treat him right."

"Hey! I'm not a domestic animal; you can't give me for somebody to look after!" James protested, jostling his friend to go ahead of him.

The others seemed to find the line highly comical, and Lily wondered why. It was rather funny, of course, but not enough to justify those connivance looks, Remus's wide grin and Peter's squeaking laughter. Another mystery? Or simply one of those things that only your best friends can get, because nobody else knows what they remind you. There must be a special meaning for them in "domestic animal", just like in "falling off a broom" for her own friends. She would ask James later. Or not. It was not really her business, after all.

"Don't mind them," James advised her. "They're just a bunch of idiots."

"But aren't you part of the bunch?" Lily asked playfully.

Everybody laughed, this time, and Sirius's barking laugh echoed louder than anyone else's.

"She got you, Prongs!" he exclaimed. "Are you sure you don't want us to stay? We could count the points!"

Lily's curiosity awoke again at the hearing of the nickname. She really had to ask about that. James and his gang had been using those funny names for at least three years, and she had never been able to guess where they came from. She would have asked Remus if he hadn't been so obviously reticent in answering questions...

Joanne had declared she would love to stay ("forgetting" to specify that it would be less to help counting the points than to seat next to Sirius) and Linda was nodding vigorously (Lily couldn't tell whether it was because she wanted to ruin the date, give Cybela a chance to be with Remus or simply join the counting), but James intended to have Lily for himself and he made it very clear:

"No way! You all keep away from us! We have to talk - _privately_! If I see one of you spying, he'll regret it."

"Be careful, Padfoot," Peter told Sirius with another squeak of laughter. "Remember the curling potion!"

Sirius cast a dark look at him then at Remus, who had tried to keep a straight face but didn't manage to do for more than two seconds.

"It's not funny! I looked like a poodle!"

"That's precisely what's funny," James said, laughing too. "And you deserved it, anyway; you had stolen my badge! But 'improving' your shampoo was nothing. You know I can do better, even without your help."

"Bet you can't," Sirius replied, ready to challenge him.

James was about to speak again, but Remus intervened to remind him he was supposed to go and talk with Lily, not to start a fratricidal war of pranks with Sirius.

"OK, I'll negotiate for the peace treaty first, then! One war at a time."

Lily smiled involuntarily. A peace treaty, honestly! Was he really unable to take anything seriously? But she liked that better. At least she wouldn't feel forced to be serious either.

James took a look at his watch and added:

"She only promised me an afternoon, though, and it's not noon yet."

"Oh, it doesn't matter," Lily said at all the others' surprise. "We can go now if there's nothing else you want to do first."

James smiled at her, looking so happy that Lily felt quite uncomfortable. His eyes told clearly he couldn't wait to be alone with her... What would she do if he gave up his usual joking tone to tell her the kind of things he had written in the letter?

It was too late to change her mind, now. James was already handing Peter his shopping bag, calling him "Wormtail" and recommending him not to let anyone, "especially Snivellus", see what they had bought. Then, calling Remus "Moony", he asked him to keep "that silly dog" (glance at Sirius) on leash, so he wouldn't have to search for a spell that would transform "Padfoot" into a real poodle.

Everybody laughed again - except, of course, the "silly dog", although he hadn't lost his sense of humour since he told James to beware, saying that small dogs have particularly sharp teeth. He surely thought the argument would be a good deterrent, but in reality James's confidence didn't fall at all.

"Thanks for pointing that out," he said very calmly. "I'll make sure to find a muzzling charm as well."

Then he turned back to Lily:

"Shall we go?"

She nodded silently and followed him on the way to the Three Broomsticks, wondering why she had enjoyed watching the little battle so much. Normally, she would have judged James's attitude as horribly haughty, but now she hardly cared, probably because she finally was able to see the difference between real arrogance and fake, just for fun. Which didn't mean that his was always fake, of course!

James didn't speak at all until they reached the Three Broomsticks. He suddenly looked much less assured, as if he was dreading saying something that would ruin Lily's good mood and will to have a civilized conversation.

He opened the door and drew aside to let her in first, but she stopped, hesitating, on the doorstep.

"Anything wrong?" James asked.

She shook her head and said no, but he didn't believe her.

"Would you prefer to go to a quieter place?"

He could really be kind, she had to admit it. And, once again, the way he looked at her was terribly disturbing - even more than the other times, actually, but it might be only because she was already ill at ease.

"Where?"

Madam Puddiffot's? It would be worse, and he should know it.

"Hogwarts," he answered simply. "Nearly everyone's here, so they won't see us together and your honour will be safe."

"Except to the 1st and 2nd years," she replied, trying to hide her embarrassment but doubting it could work, since her face had probably become as red as her hair.

He guessed too well what she was thinking - and worse, he didn't even pretend not to know.

"And to those who chose to stay, yes," he added. "But if what you want is to be certain nobody will find us, I know a room that will do nicely."

"Really?"

Just the two of them in an empty room... Lily knew it would be the kind of things her mother wouldn't approve. But her mother was a Muggle, and Lily was a Witch, perfectly able to use her wand to defend herself if she needed to.

"Don't think too long," James advised. "We would have a chance to go unnoticed if we sat down at a corner table, but here in the doorway..."

He was right, and Lily felt very stupid now, realising she had been standing there for a minute or two, exposed to curious gazes just like she had wanted to avoid.

"OK, let's go!", she said abruptly.

She was back to the street before James could answer, and he had to call her back to tell her how to find their new meeting place.

"7th floor, opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy - you know, the one with the trolls? I'll be there when you arrive."

"How…" Lily began.

But she could guess the answer.

"Another secret passageway?"

"What gave you that impression?" James replied with an amused smile.

She smiled back before walking away.

"It must be what they call feminine intuition..."

°  
° ° °

_**Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it!  
And happy holiday if you celebrate something else.**_

_Oh, and I've just changed the part of chapter 2 that annoyed me,  
so you can go and read the new version if you wish (it's in the first scene,  
when Lily asks for a proof that James is really the new Head Boy)._


	6. Peace treaty

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

_Thank yous: _

**Arwen**, thank you again for correcting my mistakes  
and suggesting some changes that make the story better.

_**Akari**, _grazie_ for telling me what you think  
and always being so supportive._

_**Nicky**,_ merci_ for buying the "magical books that started it all",  
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have._

_And, of course, many thanks to **you,  
the people who read the other chapters and are about to read this one.**  
You'll find in my bio a link to my Live Journal, where I answered your reviews.  
_

_Author notes:  
_

_A friend of mine told me I should clarify a little thing:  
in spite of the fact that her name is very close to my pen name,  
Cybela Adams is not supposed to be me.  
I just thought that Cybela would make a very good name for a witch.  
__  
This fanfiction is dedicated to **Akari** (also known as Florian),  
for the reasons mentioned before chapter 1._

°  
° ° °

**Chapter 6 - Peace treaty**

It looked just like a pub, except that there was only one table, and no one behind the bar.

"What's this place?" Lily asked, looking around in amazement.

"It's magic," James explained. "It can turn into any kind of room you can imagine. You just have to ask. But please don't tell your friends about it. It's supposed to be secret. Sirius is so proud to have discovered it... He would never forgive me if he knew I came here with you."

He moved a chair forward for her to sit down and she found herself thinking he had very good manners. If only he was always that charming...

"Butterbeer?" he offered, and two glasses appeared on the bar.

"Impressive," Lily admitted. "But what if I prefer pumpink juice?"

The contents of one of the glasses immediately changed. It had now the familiar orange coulour of the Hogwarts students' usual drink.

"Very good service!" Lily commented as James brought the glasses to the table.

"Yes, this room is great, isn't it? Sirius came across it by chance four years ago while he was looking for a place to hide our reserve of Dungboms so Filch wouldn't be able to prove we had some. But then it took us months to find it again. It only shows itself when you need it."

Not knowing what else to say, Lily started asking questions about the room and the use James and his friends had made of it. But the answers she got were quite evasive, so she gave up rather quickly. She did learn an interesting piece of information, though; the Marauders had drawn up a magic map of the school. Unfortunately, its purpose and the exact nature of its magic seemed to be classified with top secret label.

"Do you think it would work if I asked for a Muggle drink?"

She had said that just to break the silence that threatened to drag on endlessly, but James hadn't time to express an opinion; a new glass had appeared in the middle of the table, and the liquid it contained was easily recognizable as Coca-Cola.

James didn't seem to remember why he had wanted to talk to Lily - or, if he did, he clearly couldn't find a way to begin. It was funny to see a boy like him, so used to take girls out or simply chat with them in the corridors, suddenly short of words like a shy 12 or 13 year old at his first date.

"What makes you smile?" he inquired, with a slightly bothered look that was probably supposed to hide a bit of anxiety. "You remind me of Remus when one of us has just said something silly and he's trying not to let us see he's thinking we're kind of uneducated about some subjects..."

Lily gave a little laugh and shook her head, assuring James she hadn't been making fun of him.

"It's only that... Well, in a way, you could take it as a mockery but it was not intended to be, I swear. I was thinking you surely act differently when you're with other girls. And that you said you wanted to talk to me but that now it seems you have nothing to tell me."

"Oh!"

He must have hoped his nervosity didn't show, and now he felt ridiculous - which, Lily knew too well, is particularly horrible for such a proud person.

"Actually, I've got lots to tell you," he assured. "I'm just not sure it's worth doing since..."

He paused for a second, a thoughtful look fixed on her, then asked:

"Why did you accept this date?"

_Good question_, Lily thought. She hadn't even promised that to Remus...

"It's not exactly as if you had left me a choice!" she joked, once again thankful to humour and irony that always come in so handy when you don't know what to say.

But James didn't seem to find the line funny at all. He said "Haven't I?", looking very sorry...and she thought it was cute. Really. He definitely was cute without the irritating "Quidditch star" air he usually assumed whenever he knew a girl could see him. And, as long as he wasn't trying to impress her, talking with him could be nice. What would have been the use of pretending she hadn't notice that, after all? At least nobody would know... Except him, of course. She had to make up for the involuntary reproach...

"I don't blame you, James. I wasn't really forced to stop ignoring you. And I'm glad I did because..."

Realizing that she was becoming dangerously serious, she turned back to a joking tone that restored immediately a more reasonable distance:

"I've discovered with great stupefaction that you're able to speak to me without looking like you're thinking 'I know you're like the others and it's evident you'll be part of my collection someday'."

She feared for a moment to have gone too far, but he didn't seem to be angry. Only surprised, and even a little shocked.

"I've got too much respect for you to think such a thing!" he exclaimed.

Really?

Lily didn't make any comment out loud, but her slight rise of eyebrows was enough to tell James about her doubts.

"OK, it hasn't always been true," he admitted with a little smile of apology.

"That's just what I thought," Lily said. "And I can't believe you've changed."

"Well, it's quite obvious you're not like the others. First, they like me and you don't."

There was a touch of sadness in his voice, and it didn't escape to Lily. She really had to find something to tell him. Something kind - and without joking, for once.

_Just be sincere! _She told herself. _You don't hate him that much, do you?_

"It's not you I dislike, actually. It's just the way you act. You're much more likeable when you're not showing off."

She was becoming too serious again... What if he saw in her words something she hadn't intended to say?

"You are, too," he said, sounding amused but not looking so sure that saying that had been a good idea.

"What?" Lily asked, frowning.

"Much more likeable when you're not looking down on people," James clarified.

For a moment that seemed to stay for a very long time, Lily couldn't say a word. Was it really what he thought of her? That she looked down on people?

"I bet you've got as much pride as I have. Isn't that true?" James insisted.

"Probably," Lily admitted reluctantly.

Actually, it was precisely because of that excessive pride that she felt like protesting in spite of her growing conviction he was right.

"At least I don't show off..." she began hesitantly, without looking at him, after another moment of silence.

"You might do if you were the best Quidditch player in the school and had plenty of admirers!" James remarked.

"...and I don't _brag_!" Lily finished with much more assurance, looking up in order to search for the mischievous sparkle that would indicate he was only teasing her.

"Who's bragging?" he asked and, since the sparkle was missing, Lily knew he wasn't even conscious of it.

"You just did," she said.

"Me?"

She sighed. Either he was really hopeless or he would have deserved an Oscar - though he surely hadn't a clue of what an Oscar was.

" 'Best Quidditch player in the school' and 'plenty of admirers'..." she quoted. "Doesn't it sound like bragging to you?"

"But it's _true_!" James exclaimed with a disarming sincerity. "You don't really brag if you're only telling the truth. Or I'm afraid I have to point out that you are as much as a braggart as I am."

"Me?"

That "Me?" had exactly the same tone as his, and she must looked exactly like he had, too.

He burst out laughing.

"See? We're more alike than you think!"

She smiled, because she felt like laughing too, not really knowing why, just at hearing him.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked.

"Of course it is!" he assured. "I'm not the kind to denigrate myself, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

Lily suddenly realized she was enjoying herself greatly. It didn't make much sense since James had just told her things she should have taken as unforgivable insults, but she was. And he clearly was, too. As incredible as it seemed, she was starting to think they could get along fine - as friends, of course!

"Now please tell me exactly why you allow yourself to maintain that I'm not better than you!" she ordered, assuming an expression of offended dignity that made James laugh again.

"Let me think... I can't count how many times since 1st year I heard you saying you always had the best marks of your class in primary school, you also managed to let the whole common room know you once got a higher than normal score at a Muggle IQ test, you mentioned casually but loud enough for lots of people to hear that you had passed your 4th year Charm exam without having opened your book and, when one of my admirers defends me from your hating criticism saying I am not only good at Quidditch, you remind her you had as many Optimals as I had in OWLs. Is that enough or should I try to remember some other facts?"

This time his eyes were sparkling more than ever, and his smile attenuated the significance of his words just enough to stop Lily from feeling really insulted - but not from thinking it was another proof of his extraordinary cheek.

"You're exaggerating!" she protested indignantly. "And you're lucky I'm in a good mood because you've got very strange ways to negociate a peace treaty!"

"Good point," James conceded. "I can't deny I'd be disastrous as a diplomat. But you wanted me to tell you what I thought, so I did! Now feel free to do the same."

Lily had no doubt there were also lots of sparkles in her own eyes when she asked, smiling widely:

"Do you want the short list or the long?"

° ° °

Since she was so used to recall all of James's faults to her friends, Lily didn't even have to think much to draw up a list that definitely couldn't be the short one. James often interrupted her to defend himself or add a new "accusation" to those he had made before, so the conversation went on for a good hour, constantly bordering on - but never crossing - the line beyond which it would have turned into a quarrel. It was particularly close, though, when Lily mentioned she found extremely irritating James's habit of messing up his hair on purpose...

"Hope you noticed I refrained from doing that today, then!" he replied. "Actually, I wanted to flatten it a bit, but it didn't work. They were already as dishelled as they always are before the end of breakfast - and I swear it wasn't my fault."

Lily frowned, suddenly thinking of something she had nearly forgotten.

"Oh, I believe you!" she assured sarcastically. "It was Chloe's fault, wasn't it?"

James froze, looking very shocked, and Lily thought she had guessed right - which made her feel, again, like hitting both that damned Chloe Jones who allowed herself over-familiar gestures and him who let her as if it was perfectly normal.

It might seem stupid but yes, Lily was jealous, somehow. Especially now, so quickly after having discovered she could really enjoyed talking with James.

"I saw you in the Entrance Hall," she added, as James didn't say a word.

She didn't know exactly what she was expecting him to reply, but she certainly hadn't imagined he would smile, and that lots of sparkles would fill his eyes once again.

"I can't believe it! You're jealous!" he exclaimed, exaggerating his surprise and delight.

"I am not!" Lily protested automatically. "I hate you, remember?"

"That's not what you said earlier," James reminded her. "You said that what you disliked was only the way I acted. And you really look jealous, you know? I would never have thought jealousy could work on you!"

Lily stared at him for an instant.

Those sparkles... And that smile... There were unbearable, in the end. Not exactly unpleasant to see, though... Well, _too_ pleasant to see, actually! Which made them even more unbearable.

"Don't try to make me believe you asked Chloe to help you for some kind of 'making-Lily-jealous' plan," she snapped then, avoiding looking at him again.

"I'm not trying to make you believe anything," James replied. "Actually, if you had looked our way just a minute before, you would have seen Remus instead of her."

"What!"

The strange idea that had come into her mind must show because James rolled his eyes in a half-amused half-offended sort of way.

"I mean he was trying to help me flatten my hair, of course!"

Lily hid her embarrassment behind a little laugh.

_Of course, you idiot!_ She reprimanded herself. _But...what about Chloe?_

She wasn't sure whether she should ask or not, but James gave the answer before she had decided:

"Then Jones and Summers arrived, they laughed and Summers said we looked like...ehm...well, you see...so Jones took Remus's place in order to 'save our reputation'," he explained, rolling his eyes again at the thought. "As if anyone would really think I..."

"Oh!"

That's all Lily managed to say. She felt so stupid now! She had been so close to make a scene for nothing!

But still, Chloe had no right to touch James... And Mary Ann Summers should have kept her ridiculous comments for herself.

"Now, if you wonder why my hair still doesn't seem to be better done than usual," James went on without appearing to notice her embarrassment, "it's because that silly girl finally thought it was much funnier to mess them up again!"

Lily smiled involuntarily. _Silly girl_... So James didn't particularly like Chloe, after all! She had absolutely no reason to feel happy about that but she was, she couldn't deny it - and didn't even try to. As long as James couldn't see it, it didn't matter, anyway.

"It's not so bad that way," she said, examining James's hair with a critical eye. "You just wouldn't look like yourself if it was flat."

Then, without letting him time to say anything – and, more importantly, without letting herself time to consider the possibility of showing the same misplaced familiarity as Chloe's -, she went back to the list of his faults.

° ° °

"Anything else?" James asked as calmly and politely as if they had been having a perfectly harmless conversation, with no risk of ruining his hopes of peace treaty.

"Isn't the list long enough already?" Lily replied with an amused smile.

"Oh, it certainly is! I won't be able to remember everything. I should have taken notes!"

They both laughed. Just like friends.

Except that Lily knew James wished they could be much more than that.

He hadn't said anything to remind it to her, though.

Why?

And - more important - why was she starting to think it was...annoying?

She should have been glad he wasn't bothering her with that but, surprisingly, she wasn't. She really must be the weirdest girl in the world.

An awkward silence had fallen as she was thinking.

"You can go back to your friends, if you want," James said eventually. "I won't consider that breaking your promise "

"Staying with you is not such a chore," Lily replied. "And if I left, we'd never know whether I can stand you until the evening!"

He didn't laugh, this time. He even looked rather sad. Lily wished she could guess what was in his mind.

"Are you already tired of being with me?" she asked on that helpful joking tone that had already got her out of embarrass so many times. "In reality it's you who can't stand me, isn't it? You were only trying to make me believe what you wrote in that letter... Why did you write it, by the way?"

Pretending she didn't believe him was not very nice, but it was the only way she had found to mention the letter. And, for some reason, she knew she needed to hear the words, that reading them wasn't enough...

They were no trace of sparkle left in his eyes when he answered her quite tactless question:

"I wrote all that because it's true. And, as stupid as it seems, that's why I don't see where's the interest of staying with you until the evening as we had planned. I managed to make you accept a date, but I can't force you to be happy to be here. So if you don't even believe me..."

He stood up in the clear intention to leave.

Lily didn't take time to think. She grabbed his wist to stop him, shouting "No, wait!", then...

"You forgot something important," she said.

And she kissed him.

Just a little kiss - barely more than a lightly touch of her lips on his - but it was better than all the words she could have found to express what she had only started to understand.

She didn't hate him anymore, so...she liked him - very much.

Yes, it was as simple as that. Actually, what she had called hatred for so long had been nothing more than irritation - not even against him, but against the reflection of her own faults. What she had disliked so much was only to have constantly under her eyes a vivid image of what she could have been if she wasn't doing her best to refrain that excessive pride she was so ashamed of. She couldn't blame him for that. And she no longer did.

James stared at her in shock for a long while. He surely never had imagined that a girl would be able to do such a thing - and Lily less than any other, of course!

His expression of amazement was priceless. Lily doubted that laughing was a good thing to do at a moment like that,but she couldn't help it. She was even enjoying herself too much to feel embarrassed about what she had just done.

"Why..." James began.

But he didn't finish the question. He asked another instead:

"You thought it was part of the contract, didn't you?"

Lily stopped laughing at once.

What was he talking about?

Oh, it must be because she had said he was forgetting something... She had to clarify that point, then.

"I didn't!" she swore. "If it had been just a matter of 'contract', I would have avoided reminding you of it, don't you think?"

He didn't answer, but he seemed to agree.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you two things," she said hesitantly. "First, I believe you - about the letter, I mean. And then..."

She paused. It was harder to tell than she would have thought.

"...then I'm glad it's true."

It took James some seconds to realize what those words meant.

He looked at her almost suspiciously, as to make sure she wasn't making fun of him, and she stared back, hoping her eyes would tell how sincere she had been.

Other seconds passed and they still didn't move at all. It felt like a very long time, though it must not have been, in reality.

Lily wondered whether she should say something. Or, maybe, doing something again.

But she didn't have to turned upside down a second time James's old-fashion ideas of who should kiss the other first; very slowly, as if he still wasn't entirely convinced she would allow him to do, he leaned over her. And their lips met again.

°  
° ° °

_Now there's only the epilogue left... It's coming soon!_


	7. Epilogue

**Change of Heart**

_Disclaimer: _

Nearly all of this belongs to **Mrs J.K. Rowling**. See before chapter 1 for details.

°  
° ° °

**Epilogue**

Lily slowly closed the door of the magic room. She had told James she wouldn't mind entering the Great Hall with him, but he surely guessed she still felt quite uncomfortable about that.

"Ready to face the world?" he asked, assuming a joyful tone in spite of the concern he couldn't hide completely.

"I'll have to sooner or later, now!" Lily replied, starting to walk to the nearest staircase with what she hoped was a determined look. "And after all, I'm a Gryffindor. I shouldn't be frightened - not even of mockery!"

James put a reassuring arm around her shoulders and, since there was nobody in sight, she didn't try to stop him.

"I'm sure you'll be able to put every mocker back to their place," he said. "But do you know you should be proud to be the Quidditch star's girlfriend?"

"Actually, I'm rather ashamed of showing myself in the company of such a big-headed boy!" Lily replied, freeing herself from his arm.

_Funny how words sound different when your feelings have changed_,she thought. Instead of irritation, they were now full of affection. They didn't mean "You're so unbearable" anymore, only "I love those verbal fights".

"Big Head Boy!" James exclaimed, laughing. "I am Head Boy, that's true, but where on Earth did you get the "big" part from? I know I'm not skinny like Remus, but still..."

She laughed too.

"I can't believe it took me so much time to realize I loved your silly sense of humour!"

"That's because yours is very bad!" James teased her.

Then, as for making sure she would forgive him, he gave her a little kiss - on the cheek, but very tender...and two Hufflepuff girls passed them by, giggling.

"Sorry, I hadn't seen them coming," he apologized.

To her own surprise, Lily found out she didn't really care. She felt too good to let two unknown giggling girls ruin her happiness.

"I think I can survive the mocking comments if you stop boasting about being a Quidditch star. Is that possible?"

James kept silent for half a minute, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I think so, but only if you stop pretending I'm big!" he answered eventually, with that air of great seriousness he had only when he wasn't serious at all.

She gave him a little slap on the arm, so slight it must feel more like a gentle touch.

"You idiot!"

"I know," he said, grabbing the hand she had hit him with to put a little kiss on it.

_So sweet..._

Lily would never have thought a boy could treat her like that. It was incredible. And wonderfully nice.

"But please don't tell that to my friends," James added in the tone of someone who's asking for a big favour. "They think I'm so smart..."

"Don't worry, I won't reveal the horrible truth!" she promised solemnly.

But then she turned serious for real.

"You know, you _are_ smart," she said after having walked in silence for a little while. "I'm the stupid one, actually. I wasted so much time hating you when I could have..."

She stopped walking and talking at the same time.

"...loved me?" James suggested.

That was what she had thought, yes, but could she tell him so, after only some hours? She hadn't even loved anyone before. How could she be sure?

"Probably," she said hesitantly, avoiding to meet his eyes.

Would that remind him of his letter too? '_Probably love you'_... And to say she didn't believe him! It was so obvious now!

"Is that enough?" she asked. "I mean..."

She really felt extremely stupid, but he didn't seem to think she was at all. He smiled and held her tight, whispering in her ear that it was much more than he had ever dared hope, and that he was so lucky to have her.

_This is the real James Potter_, Lily thought, holding him too. _And he's really, really worth knowing._

° ° °

They entered the Great Hall about five minutes later, both smiling happily. Lily was still a bit apprehensive about the comments her friends would inevitably make, but at least James had promised he wouldn't say anything that could be taken as a boast, and now she knew she could trust him.

"Look like they were expecting us to come together," James remarked, pointing at the cheerful looking group formed by his friends and Lily's, seated together at the Gryffindor table.

Lily answered only by nodding slightly. Any moment, one of them would spot her and James... Some other people had already and, although she avoided looking their way, she could feel their eyes on her - or was she just imagining things? Who should care what she did, after all?

She took a deep breath and a step forward, praying both God and Merlin that no one drew more attention to them by talking too loud.

Next second, Peter's voice echoed loudly:

"Hey, look at this, Padfoot! I told you his 'peace treaty' thing couldn't fail! Prongs is simply the best!"

It seemed to Lily that every person in the room was now staring at her. Or, more exactly, at her _and James_ - that was the embarrassing point. But at least James understood.

"Come on, Miss Evans," he encouraged her. "A Gryffindor should be able to face comments bravely, remember?"

She smiled.

Strangely, just hearing his voice made her feel better.

She followed him to join the others, thinking again she had terribly misjudged him during the past few years.

Meeting Sandra's eyes as she sat down in front of her, Lily knew her friend wasn't much more surprised than Peter. Joanne looked astonished, but Sandra didn't. And there was no trace of mockery in her smile; it just told something like "I knew you couldn't hate him as much as you said", and also "I'm glad you finally realized it".

Lily smiled back, thanking her silently for being such a good friend.

Since James was talking to Sirius - who didn't look too happy - Joanne ventured to ask in a whisper whether Lily had already managed to find out "something about last year".

Lily shook her head quickly, then took a slide look at Remus, who was sitting next to Sandra. Fortunately, he didn't seem to have heard.

"But you're going to ask, aren't you?" Joanne insisted.

Lily sighed. That was so typical of Jo, being so focused on details that she generally missed the main point. But at least, as long as she would believe that nothing interesting had happened, she wouldn't ask too many questions about the date...

An exclamation saved Lily the trouble of responding.

"Two Galleons!"

All the heads turned to James. He looked shocked and quite angry.

"He bet two Galleons that you would slap me in the face and refuse definitely to speak to me again!" he explained to Lily, who tried hard not to laugh.

"Peter needed money," Sirius said shortly with a shrug of the shoulders.

Joanne gave a chuckle and Lily couldn't hide a smile.

"Did he? I don't think he would have taken the risk of _losing_ two Galleons, then!" James replied in accusing tone.

Sirius shrugged again.

"He was so sure you couldn't fail!"

"And you weren't!" James emphasized. "Padfoot, that's betrayal! And I should tell McGonagall that you two are betting money. After all, I'm Head Boy..."

A horrified look appeared on Peter's face, but Sirius's careless expression didn't change at all.

"_That_ would be betrayal," he pointed out, very calmly.

"Remus would never have done it," Peter affirmed.

"Well, I haven't said I would but..." James began.

"But _I_ could," Lily finished in his place.

Sirius cast her a dark look and Peter started panicking:

"You won't!" he shrieked. "You can't! James won't let you!"

Lily managed to catch James's eye and shook her head slightly to assure him she had no intention to report anything.

"I _could_," she repeated nonetheless. "You know I could. And James wouldn't be able to stop me."

She had to make that clear. OK, she was James's girlfriend, but that didn't mean she would let him impose his will on her.

"I wouldn't even try," James said with a little wink that made her smile.

"Afraid of slaps?" she asked, apparently mocking him. But her smile belied that impression; it told him she had get the silent message of his wink - "I'll never try to change you"... He wouldn't, she was sure. He didn't want her to be like the others; he loved her just the way she was.

Since they were both terribly stubborn and strongly opinionated, Lily didn't doubt they would quarrel lots of times again, but at least she knew James respected her and she promised herself never to forget she also had to take him for what he was, no matter what.

A voice coming from behind her shoulders dragged her out of her thoughts:

"Am I dreaming? Lily Evans, sitting next to James Potter, talking to him and _smiling_ at him?"

Lily didn't even need to turn round to know it was Linda. But, of course, she did turn round, if only to be polite, and saw that Cybela was there too, looking quite ill at ease, as if she was expecting the Gryffindors to blame her for not being able to stop her best friend from leaving the Ravenclaw table.

Lily made a reassuring gesture in Cybela's direction and was about to answer to Linda when Sirius intervened:

"They just signed a peace treaty," he explained.

"Well, you see," Linda said to Lily, "I told you he was very likeable! And peace is much more pleasant than war, isn't it? You might have liked turning him down, but kissing is better!"

"Oh, come on!" Joanne told her sister off. "A peace treaty doesn't involve kisses!"

Lily looked down, terribly embarrassed. Of course, she had intention to tell everything to her friends sometime later, but doing it in the middle of the Great Hall, in front of James's friends as well, was definitely not the option she would have picked if she had been left the choice.

Looking up again, she saw that Sandra was trying to catch Joanne's attention in order to beckoned her to drop the argument. Had she understood? It wouldn't be that surprising. Sandra always seemed to guess everything. Actually, she probably even knew _before_ Lily that there was something weird in that so-called hatred. And, judging by the way Remus was looking at her, Lily could tell he had surely guessed, too.

"Maybe this is not the right time and place to talk about that," he ventured helpfully. "If you want to know the whole story, I'm sure Lily will tell you later."

Lily smiled at him, thankful.

But, unfortunately, Sirius didn't wait until the Ravenclaw girls were back to their table before speaking again:

"You have to clarify a point, Evans! It's important for the bet."

Lily sighed. She knew what was coming. And, sure enough, Sirius asked:

"Did you two kiss or not?"

"Sirius!" James and Remus exclaimed in unison.

"It's absolutely none of your business," James added with his best haughty look - which would have made Lily laugh if she hadn't been wishing she could hide under the table.

"That means yes," Peter said triumphantly. "I did win, Padfoot!"

Lily caught James's eye. He looked very sorry, and afraid of her reaction. She felt more embarrassed than ever...then, suddenly, she realized what it all meant and how ridiculous it was. Why should she be ashamed, after all? James was a nice boy; she now liked him a lot and had decided to be his girlfriend. She had no reason to keep that secret. Except for her excessive pride... Just what she had been reproaching him for so long!

Taking a deep breath, she stopped avoiding the others' gaze. Just like she had expected, they all were staring at her, waiting for a comment.

"OK," she said, keeping her voice as calm as she could. "It was a real date."

Joanne's exclamation of astonishment didn't escape to her, but she ignored it and went on, holding her head high defiantly:

"And there will be other dates - lots of other dates, I hope. Now, if you want to mock me because it took me so long to realize that James and me could go along well, I guess I won't be allowed to blame you...but just remember that my new boyfriend is very good at making pranks!"

A general burst of laughter greeted that declaration.

"And I can teach her how to take revenge on the mockers by herself, too," James added. "I'm sure she'll soon be able to have some great ideas. Plus, she's always been the best in Potions, so she could do better than make Sirius's hair curl - couldn't you, Lily?"

She nodded and, to the others' big surprise, gave a perfect imitation of James's usual mischievous smile.

"Don't worry, we won't mock you. We're glad for you," Sandra assured.

Joanne, Remus and Cybela agreed. And so did Peter, more vigorously than anyone else:

"I won two Galleons thanks to you, so I would never say anything against you!"

"As long as she doesn't talk about the bet..." Sirius muttered.

Lily suspected that he had spoken only because James had kicked him under the table, but she pretended not to have notice.

Then she turned to Linda, the only one who hadn't expressed an opinion yet. The Ravenclaw girl shrugged, a half-smile on her face.

"Well, it would be a pity to start a war of pranks right after your peace treaty...and I'm no good at pranks, anyway," she said with a giggle. "It's great you changed your mind about James."

Lily smiled happily. Now she could be friends with Linda again, and it seemed that none of the others would mock her either. Friendship was the best thing in the world...with love, of course!

"Actually, it's not exactly a change of mind," she replied to Linda, still smiling. "I think we should call it a change of heart..."

**The End**

_Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think._


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